A person who has studied the art of communication always stands out among others, and the differences concern only the positive aspects: it is easier for them to get a good job, it is easier to find a language with the team, make new, good friends, etc.
First of all, speech itself matters. It should be clear so that you are not asked again, otherwise you will look ridiculous. Speak at a moderate pace and keep an eye on the volume of your voice. If you sound too quiet, listeners will quickly get bored and stop listening, and if you sound too loud, they will feel uncomfortable. Your speech should be measured, medium volume and soft, so that the listeners are pleased.
Rules in the art of communicating with people
If you are unfamiliar with the interlocutor, then you should not start a conversation immediately with serious topics. It’s better to start with a neutral one: talk about the weather, new music, movies or literature. And gradually you will be able to talk about more important things without feeling embarrassed.You should not talk about health problems, financial difficulties and family matters. In general, everything personal is a taboo in secular conversation. Also, do not talk about bad news, perhaps the interlocutor will be alerted by this topic and he will find a reason to leave. It is also not recommended to discuss the appearance of your mutual acquaintances with other people. So you will show yourself not from the best side. Don't be too categorical. Don't just affirm or deny. A person who is 200% sure of his own rightness and is ready to defend it in stormy disputes is not interesting as an interlocutor.
Don't raise your tone during an argument. If your opponent vehemently criticizes your point of view, you better move the discussion to a more peaceful direction and change the subject. Never lead a discussion to an argument. Maybe in some disputes truth is born, but in most - a quarrel and an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul. Remember that the greatest respect is caused by those people who can clearly and concisely convey their thoughts to the interlocutor and at the same time allow him to express his opinion on this topic.
It is not recommended to joke with a standard set of jokes and funny stories that everyone has known for a long time. It's boring and unintelligent. You should also not pour out jokes without stopping, preventing people from coming to their senses. The best anecdote is the one that is told to the point. Jokes about someone else's surname, build and height are considered bad manners.
It is impolite to communicate in a company with hints that are not clear to all participants in the conversation, as well as to discuss topics that are not familiar to some interlocutors. You should not ask for details of the illness of your interlocutor, even if he casually mentioned it during the conversation. If he wants to, he will tell about it.
Other children are allowed to make comments only if their parents are not around. Otherwise, by taking over their function, you are likely to offend their feelings. It is considered a great faux pas to wish an elderly woman to marry, as well as advice related to this topic. Don't seek professional advice from a lawyer or doctor you happen to meet at a party. There is a working time for this, maximum - you can ask how to make an appointment.
If a person wants to leave early, citing being busy, do not interrogate him about the reasons and do not try to convince him to stay longer. This way you run the risk of appearing intrusive. When your interlocutor tells a story, it is extremely ugly to look at the clock, in the mirror, look for something in the bag. Thus, you hint to the speaker that the conversation is boring for you and, accordingly, insult him.
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Communication with people is the transmission of messages or data exchange that occurs between individuals through specific communication tools, such as speech or gestures. However, the concept of communication with people is much broader and covers human relationships, the interaction of social groups and even entire nations.
Communication of people with each other is intended to establish contacts. None of the spheres of human life can do without communication. Effective communication requires a constant flow of information, either orally or in writing. Such a flow must be mutually directed.
Psychology of communication with people
The ability to communicate competently and competently build various types of contacts between individuals in the modern world is simply necessary. Every day people interact with each other. In the processes of interpersonal interactions, some individuals influence others and vice versa.
From the standpoint of psychological science, communication with other people will be successful and effective only if interests coincide. For comfortable interaction, it is necessary that the interests of both parties coincide. Even an absolutely unsociable person, if you touch on a topic of interest to him, will talk.
For the effectiveness and comfort of the conversation, it is necessary to learn to understand your communication partner, to anticipate his possible reactions to specific statements. To this end, below are a few simple tricks for the success of communication interaction between people.
There is such a well-known technique called the Franklin effect, named after a famous American political leader who had considerable talents and was an outstanding personality. In order to gain the confidence of an individual with whom he could not find a common language and who did not treat him very well, Franklin borrowed a book from this person. After this incident, their relationship began to be friendly. The meaning of this behavior lies in the following: the individual believes that since he was asked for something, the next time the person he helped, if necessary, will respond to his request himself. In other words, the individual who asked for the service becomes beneficial to the person who provided the service.
The following technique is called “the door directly to the forehead.” If something is required from the interlocutor, then you should ask him for more. If you get a refusal, then at the next meeting, you can safely ask for it again. After all, the person who ignored your request will feel remorse and next time is unlikely to refuse, having heard a more reasonable offer.
Significantly increases communicative interaction automatic repetition of movements and body position of the interlocutor. This is due to the fact that it is inherent in a person to sympathize with people who are at least a little like him.
To create a friendly atmosphere during a conversation, you should definitely call the interlocutor by name. And in order for the communication partner to feel sympathy for the interlocutor, you need to call him your friend during the conversation.
Effective communication with different people does not mean pointing out to the individual about his personality defects. Otherwise, you can only turn a person from his like-minded person into an ill-wisher. Even if you absolutely disagree with his point of view, you still need to try to find common ground and, at the next remark, start the sentence with an expression of agreement.
Almost all individuals want to be listened to and heard, as a result of which, it is necessary to win them over during a conversation, using reflective listening for this purpose. That is, it is necessary in the process of communication to paraphrase periodically the messages of the interlocutor. This is how you build friendships. It will be more effective to transform the heard remark into an interrogative sentence.
Rules for communicating with people
Communication with other people is considered one of the most important components of a successful life. In order to make communicative interaction more effective, a number of simple rules have been developed, the observance of which will make communication with people comfortable, efficient and effective.
In any conversation, you need to remember that the key to its effectiveness is attention to the communication partner. It is from the beginning of the conversation, maintaining it in a given tone and harmonious completion that it depends whether the speaker will achieve the task or not. A person who pretends to listen, but in reality is only preoccupied with his own person and inappropriately inserts remarks or answers questions, obviously makes an unfavorable impression on the interlocutor.
People are not always able to immediately and clearly formulate their thoughts. Therefore, if you notice any reservations in the speaker’s speech, an incorrectly pronounced word or phrase, then it would be more correct not to focus on them. By doing this, you will give the interlocutor the opportunity to feel more at ease with you.
Communication between people will be ineffective if the conversation is tinged with disdain. So, for example, a phrase like: “I was passing by and decided to look at you for a while” often hides indifference or even arrogance.
Since effective communication with people requires maintaining a certain rhythm of speech, you should not overdo it with monologues. It should not be forgotten that each person has purely individual characteristics of speech and mental activity, so it is necessary to periodically use small pauses in a conversation.
Problems in communicating with people also depend on the dissimilarity of the styles of communication interaction between the strong and weak half of humanity. Gender differences between people are manifested in the meaning of their remarks, the form of non-verbal means used, such as facial expressions, gestures, etc. statements, the use of exclamatory sentences and interjections, a more competent structure of speech, a wide range of tones and their abrupt change, a high voice and emphasis on key phrases, a constant smile and accompanying movements.
Contrary to popular belief, the male half of humanity speaks more than women. They tend to interrupt the interlocutor more often, are more categorical, try to control the subject of the dialogue, use abstract nouns more often. Male sentences are shorter than female sentences. Men are more likely to use specific nouns and adjectives, while women are more likely to use verbs.
Basic rules for communicating with people:
- in the process of communicative interaction, individuals should be treated in such a way that they can feel smart, interesting interlocutors and charming people;
- any conversation should be conducted without being distracted; the interlocutor should feel that his communication partner is interested, so you need to reduce intonation at the end of the remark, nod your head during communication;
- before answering the interlocutor, you should pause for a few seconds;
- the conversation must be accompanied by a sincere smile; people will instantly recognize a fake, insincere smile, and you will lose the disposition of the interlocutor;
- it must be remembered that people who are confident in themselves and in what they say evoke unconditional sympathy in comparison with individuals who are insecure in themselves.
The art of communicating with people
It so happens that on the road of life there are a variety of individuals - with some of them it is easy and pleasant to communicate, while with others, on the contrary, it is rather difficult and unpleasant. And since communication covers almost all spheres of human life, learning to master the art of communicative interaction is a necessity of the realities of modern life.
A person who is fluent in the art of communicative interaction always stands out among other individuals, and such differences refer only to the positive aspects. It is much easier for such people to get a well-paid job, they move up the career ladder faster, fit into the team more easily, make new contacts and good friends.
Communication with strangers should not start immediately with serious and important topics. It's better to start with a neutral topic, gradually moving on to more important things without feeling embarrassed.
It is also not recommended to talk about financial difficulties, problems in family affairs or health. In general, communication with strangers does not involve the use of personal topics. Don't talk about bad news either. Since there is a possibility that such a topic may alert the interlocutor, as a result of which he will find a reason to avoid the conversation. No need to discuss the appearance of mutual acquaintances during the conversation. Gossip will not increase your attractiveness in the eyes of others.
Categorical conversation is also not welcome. It will only push the interlocutors away from you. It is not recommended to stubbornly affirm or deny anything. After all, an individual who is ready to defend his case in stormy disputes, even if he is one hundred percent sure of it, will be completely uninteresting as a communications partner. People are likely to seek to avoid any interaction with such a person.
If a dispute ensued during the communication process, then you should not raise your tone, defending your point of view or giving arguments. It is always better to try not to bring communication with different people to controversial or conflict situations. When starting a conversation, you need to remember that the interlocutor who knows how to concisely and clearly convey his own thought will cause the greatest respect.
The art of communicating with people is as follows:
→ don't ask a doctor or lawyer who happens to be visiting for treatment or how to properly file a claim; there are office hours to receive answers to your questions;
→ when a conversation started and one of its participants tells a story or provides information that relates to the topic of conversation, it is impolite to periodically glance at your watch, look in mirrors or look for something in your bag, pockets; with such behavior, you can knock the interlocutor out of his thoughts and show him that you are bored with his speech, i.e. just insult him;
→ communication with an unpleasant person implies, first of all, awareness; it is needed in order not to be captured by one's own emotions in every case of intentional or unconscious provocation;
→ it is necessary to try to develop the ability to move away from the current situation, and look at it as if from the outside, without emotionally getting involved in quarrels, conflicts or other undesirable actions.
If the person with whom you have to communicate is unpleasant to you, then you need to try to understand what in him irritates and causes hostility. The psychology of subjects is arranged in such a way that a person can be a mirror for another. Usually, people notice in others such shortcomings that are present in themselves. Therefore, if you pay attention to the fact that something irritates you in a person, then you should pay attention, first of all, to yourself. Maybe you also have these defects? After such an analysis, the individual who irritates you will cease to irritate you.
We should also not forget that there are no one hundred percent negative personalities or completely positive ones. There is good and bad in every person. Quite often, aggressive actions or defiant behavior of people indicates that they have internal problems, conflicts. Some individuals simply do not know how to behave differently, because such a model of behavior was laid in them in the family. Therefore, being angry with them is a stupid and useless exercise that will only take away strength and disrupt spiritual harmony.
Communication with an unpleasant person should be taken as a kind of lesson, every unpleasant person you meet on the way - as a teacher. And communication with a good person and a pleasant companion will improve your mood, help relieve stress, and improve your emotional mood for the rest of the day. In general, knowledge and experience can be learned from any communication if you stop delving too deeply into it emotionally.
Communication with the elderly
The need to communicate with people is especially evident in old age, when children and grandchildren have left their native land, their favorite work is left behind, and only watching soap operas is ahead in between relatives' visits.
Aging gives rise to a deterioration in general well-being in older individuals, as a result of which their self-esteem may decrease and the feeling of their own low value and dissatisfaction with themselves may increase. The elderly individual experiences an "identity crisis". It is characterized by a feeling of lagging behind life, a decrease in the ability to enjoy life fully. As a result, there may be a desire for seclusion, pessimism and. In such cases, communication with a good person, and preferably a kindred spirit, will be indispensable.
In older individuals, one of the reasons for the distortion of communicative interaction is the difficulty in perceiving and comprehending the data received, their heightened susceptibility to the behavior of a communication partner in relation to them, and hearing loss. These features, and the resulting problems in communicating with older people, must be taken into account.
To avoid misunderstandings when communicating with older people, it is recommended that you take care to be heard and understood correctly.
Communication with older people should exclude the imposition of their own views and advice on older people, which will only cause a negative attitude on their part. They will perceive this as an encroachment on their own freedom, personal space and independence. In general, any imposition of one's own position will only lead to sharp resistance on the part of the interlocutor, as a result of which the effectiveness of communicative interaction will suffer.
To avoid conflict situations in interpersonal communication with older people, one should adhere to the following rules of conduct: do not use conflictogens and do not respond to conflictogens with them. Conflictogens are words, phrases, positions or actions, manifestations of superiority that provoke the emergence of a negative or conflict situation. These include orders, non-constructive criticism, ridicule, mockery, sarcastic remarks, categorical proposals, etc.
Fear of talking to people
Every individual has a need to communicate with people almost from the first days of life. However, some individuals, due to incorrect family upbringing, constant restrictions, hypertrophied dependence, various life situations, high or, conversely, low self-esteem, have a fear of communicating with people. For some, such fear manifests itself only when interacting with strangers, for others - with everyone without exception.
Fear of communicating with people is considered the most common type of fear that interferes with a full life and self-realization. This type of fear is present in many people. Often it is caused by the need to invade the personal space of the interlocutor during a conversation. Since each person has his own distance for communicative interaction, when another person invades his personal space, the partner has an invisible barrier that prevents the emergence of communication.
Fear of communicative interaction leads to isolation, which exacerbates the unsociableness, lack of sociability and alienation of the individual. As a result, a person's attitude to the surrounding society changes. He begins to believe that he is not understood, not appreciated enough and paid attention.
There are several techniques that help fight the fear of communicating with people. The first thing to do to overcome the fear of communicating with people is to understand the cause of the fear. For the effectiveness of communicative interaction and increasing confidence, you need to try to expand your own horizons, learn to prioritize.
It helps to overcome the fear of communicating with people. Therefore, you need to remember and write down all your victories, achievements, results, gradually supplementing with new ones, re-reading them daily.
Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"
Today I decided to touch on a rather interesting topic. We'll talk about the art of communication. Many of us do not even realize how important it is to know some principles of successful communication. People have unsuccessful negotiations, fail job interviews, fail to meet the girl (boyfriend) they like, convince the interlocutor of something, etc. Such failures are often attributed to lack of luck, a bad day, a "difficult" person, and so on. But is this the only reason?
I am convinced that almost every person would like to be able to influence other people. For example, with the help of the "art of communication". And such desires are well founded. How many benefits and benefits can be derived from having knowledge that will help you “influence people” or just communicate more successfully? The answer is obvious.
Make a new acquaintance, achieve the location of higher authorities, convince a partner (colleague) that is difficult to accommodate, conduct successful negotiations, get a discount, etc. This list can be continued for a very long time. It all depends on your goals and circle of friends.
Someone might think that only especially gifted and “lucky” people have such abilities. And that would be a mistake. No, no one will argue that the inclinations of an orator, a beautiful appearance and a pleasant voice give certain advantages. But this is far from the main thing. After all, they meet “by clothes”, and see off, as you know, “by mind”.
Therefore, even the most “inexpressive” person, knowing some of the weaknesses of human psychology, can be much more successful in the “art of communication”. After all, it is no secret to anyone that intelligence agents (spies), experienced diplomats (negotiators) often gain confidence very easily, successfully convince people, and “learn” the necessary information.
Do you think that they are taught some kind of “magical influence” practices and they hypnotize and zombify everyone in a row? Not at all, as a rule, everything happens much easier. These people are well aware of the basic principles of verbal communication and successfully use proven practices. In other words, they almost perfectly master the art of communication and “hone” their skills with each new conversation.
The art of communication, or how words affect people?
Let's look at a few basic principles that affect almost any interlocutor:
1) How to start a conversation? The beginning of the conversation is very important. A greeting accompanied by eye contact is subconsciously liked by almost all people. If you see a person for the first time, be sure to remember their name. For example, the Japanese, authorized to negotiate, will never forget your name.
I had to communicate with representatives of a Japanese company. I was pleasantly surprised when I learned how skillfully the Japanese use the above principles. At the first meeting, some of them write down the name of the new partner (but try to do it discreetly).
It is not necessary to resort to the same method (grab the mobile immediately, or reach for the handle). Such actions are not always convenient and beautiful. It is better to try to find the association in your memory.
For example, if you already know a person with that name, match those people. Let's imagine that you met Andrey Sergeevich. If you already have a friend named Andrei, imagine that the new acquaintance is his friend or brother. Thus, remembering the name of a new acquaintance, your memory will automatically find an association with your friend. And that means the name is unlikely to be forgotten. Such methods are very effective. But each memory is individual, so you can come up with a more suitable option for yourself.
2) Why is it important to remember the name of the interlocutor? To forget the name of a person means to show disrespect and inattention to him. People get very annoyed when their name is not remembered. Thus, you let the interlocutor understand that he means little to you.
On the contrary, it is necessary to try as often as possible to use the name of a person in a dialogue. Many do not even realize how significant this fact is for most people. Scientists have proven that when a person hears his name, it has an extremely favorable effect on his mood, and on a subconscious level. It's no secret how much love and respect the great commanders enjoyed. And this is not surprising, as a rule, they remembered the names of all their warriors (subordinates).
3) How to create an "aura of trust"? Starting a conversation, ask a few questions to which the interlocutor will gladly give a positive “yes” answer. This will create an aura of trust between you. A well-timed compliment would be helpful. In this case, there should not be any flattery. A person loves to be celebrated, but it should look natural. Do not ask personal questions, thereby, on the contrary, distrust and discomfort are caused.
4) Ability to listen. It is very important to be able to listen to the interlocutor. This is much more valuable than the ability to speak beautifully. When a person talks about his person and his problems, he becomes more receptive to your words. Show genuine interest in him. Any advice and suggestions, let's not on our own behalf, but on his (her) behalf. So the expressions: “I think”, “I would like”, it is better to replace with: “what do you think”, “would you like”. After all, a person will always be more willing to express his opinion than to listen to others. Also a very strong technique is the “substitution of desires”, but more on that a little further.
5) Create an optimistic mindset. Be sure to be optimistic when speaking. Confidence in success and a smile has a very strong effect on others. It is known that out of 10 people, the one who is positive and talks about difficulties with a smile is more convincing and attractive.
6) Find out the interests of the interlocutor. Talk to the person about what they like. If possible, it will be extremely useful to know in advance about his passions and hobbies. Try to show sincere interest in topics that are interesting to your interlocutor. A person is strongly influenced when he talks about what he is passionate about. And if you show him that you are also very interested in this topic (and you will be competent in it), then the location and trust will be provided to you. After all, like-minded people are second friends.
7) What is "substitution of desires"? And do not forget that a very effective way is the "substitution of desires." In other words, if you have some business or request to a person, it will be very useful, as if by chance, to hint to him about it. But not in plain text to ask, but to note in passing.
For example, an expression said during a conversation: “It would be nice if ... ..”, “Yes, it would be great if they did it.” That is, you do not ask for anything directly, but unobtrusively note some desire. As a result, the interlocutor's subconscious mind will postpone your request or desire, which, with the right approach, can eventually turn into his own.
At the same time, one should not try to apply any harsh methods, try to force a person to do something, to impose something on him. In no case. It only pushes the interlocutor away from you. First you need to understand one truth. A person will gladly do not what you want, but what he wants. Remember this. The main secret is to make a person perceive your desire as his own.
It is worth noting that the fact in which ear you say this or that phrase to a person is important. Scientists have long proven that phrases spoken into the interlocutor's right ear affect logic, and phrases spoken into the left ear affect a person's feelings.
Therefore, about feelings: compliments, declarations of love, etc. it is better to speak in the left ear. And to ask for something, to speak and deeds is better in the right ear.
At the same time, if you, for example, ask for forgiveness, then it is better to say conciliatory words in the right ear. Practice has proven that in this case your chances of "success" increase significantly.
It is very important to end the conversation correctly (communication)
And, in conclusion, I would like to note. Be serious about what topic you end the conversation on. After all, any person, be it a man or a woman, tends to remember exactly the last phrases. Therefore, if you end the conversation with a banality, then the whole effect of the dialogue will be appropriate.
Put these principles into practice and over time you will appreciate their effectiveness.
May your communication be always successful and help you achieve your goals!
I would be glad to "hear" your opinions and comments.
Communication is a necessary exchange of experience, knowledge, thoughts, feelings. Without communication, a person cannot know either the world around him or himself. He also cannot evaluate his actions, thoughts.
Only through cooperation with other people does a person acquire new ideas. Without communication, a person falls ill with a strange disease, which can be described as "sensory hunger" - a lack of impressions, information, emotions. This happens because a person feels the need for communication in the same way as for food or movement.
In science, it is customary to divide people into extroverts and introverts. Each type requires its own style of communication.
extroverts- people who have a great need for communication. They are communicative. They know how to rejoice in their successes and the successes of others. They themselves say a lot, frankly, without double meaning. Such people have many contacts in various social spheres. Often they become leaders in a team, in a company.
Introverts - people who sometimes find it difficult to communicate. Often, even loved ones cannot guess how they feel. Such people are reluctant to make contact and discuss their condition only occasionally, in most cases they experience everything in themselves. This state of affairs is not conducive to sincerity, so introverts are left without friends, alone.
If you are an extrovert, then do not force the people around you to listen to long monologues. Try to listen more to your loved ones, give them the opportunity to open up and talk about their experiences. Your conversations should not be superficial, avoid chatter.
If you are an introvert, then try to communicate with many people, even if it is extremely difficult for you to communicate. It is desirable that they be people of different ages. Prepare yourself specifically for the fact that you will need to conduct a conversation. Use the advice of psychologists offered in this book. Believe in yourself.
resentment
Psychologists do not get tired of repeating that many diseases arise because of our nervousness. With complaints in their hearts and stomachs, people often come to the doctor's office, offended by the fact that they have been treated unfairly. Such people plunge into a gloomy sense of resentment, inflame it and bring themselves to the strongest nervous breakdown. Scientists note that the state of resentment is tantamount to a slow and prolonged torture. An offended person is having a hard time with all the events that can “prick” him. He is depressed and unsure of himself. This condition must be fought, but the main thing is to try not to allow it.
Tip #1
Forgive your offender, remember the saying of the philosopher Seneca: "The best cure for resentment is forgiveness." Forgive and forget. Try using self-hypnosis: "Forget and never remember."
Tip #2
Try to find an excuse for your offender. Look at the current situation objectively, maybe you made a mistake, turned out to be wrong. Be above resentment, have pity on a person who does not know how to behave correctly in society and therefore makes mistakes.
Tip #3
Try to find the strength in yourself to relate to this situation in such a way as to learn from it. Next time you will be more careful, more circumspect. After all, nothing in our lives goes unnoticed and almost everything is beneficial.
Tip #4
Determine what brings more grief, harm - the fact that offended you, or thinking about this fact. It is from such thoughts that more harm is done to health. Get rid of them, and resentment will go away by itself. Relax and you will feel free and at ease.
“Customize” the mood
We all have bad moments. We are depressed, frustrated, irritated. But in no case should you take out your bad mood on others, especially since to a person who has a bad mood, everything seems gloomy and distorted. And the person becomes picky, unfair. Psychologists note that it is easy to get infected with a bad mood. Despondency is transmitted to others who are in direct contact with a sad person.
People who are prone to pessimistic assessments of what is happening are less common than those whose cheerfulness comes first. These are character traits. And everyone needs to remember this.
A pessimist is constantly worried about every trifling matter, recalls past grievances, and grumbles. You can overcome this only by understanding the reasons for your mood.
Tip #1
Try to distinguish the essential from the non-essential, do not get stuck on annoying little things, look for the good.
Tip #2
Try to learn to enjoy small successes, switch from bad to good. Liberation, even a short one, from a negative emotion charges our body with new energy and makes it possible to successfully resist the bad.
Tip #3
Find a small anchor of salvation. For some, this is a sport, for some it is poetry, for others it is a hairstyle, etc. Mood affects appearance, and appearance affects mood.
Tip #4
When you're in a bad mood, try smiling. Straighten your shoulders, even if through force, and you will feel how the bad mood recedes.
Tip #5
Try to get enough sleep - this makes it possible to get rid of negative emotions.
Tip #b
Cultivate a positive attitude. Treat problems philosophically - this will help you avoid diseases associated with nerves.
How to expand your social circle
Firstly, don't try to get people interested in you. Psychologists have found that such actions repel others, create problems in communication. If a person, when meeting, speaks only about himself, most likely, he will remain alone. It is unlikely that the interlocutor will have an interest in a person who sees in a nearby person only an object for transmitting information.
Therefore, be sincerely interested in the person who is next to you. Finding a topic that will be close to him is not very difficult. Most likely, it is connected either with the family, or with work, or with a hobby. Starting with general questions, you will be able to find the topic that is close to your interlocutor. It is known that a person who does not show interest in others experiences serious difficulties in life and causes a lot of inconvenience to his loved ones. These people are the losers.
Admire the accomplishments of your loved ones. Let them feel they are the best. It is also not harmful to sometimes talk about this to your subordinates and boss. Write the birthdays of your friends on the calendar and don't forget to send a birthday card. Answer phone calls in a voice that would assure the interlocutor that he did not call in vain. In general, take an interest in the people around you.
Secondly, psychologists believe that a person can be happy in many situations. His condition depends on what he thinks, and not on what is happening around. Research showed that it is easier to communicate with a person who experiences a state of happiness, good luck. He has better relationships with colleagues at work and with loved ones at home.
Therefore, try to smile at the interlocutor. But the smile should be real, not forced. If you smile, you will feel a new surge of strength and see how the people around you smile back at you. This simple method produces amazing results. A smile builds contacts between people better than a negotiating table. If you rarely smile, then try to train in front of a mirror alone, as an insincere smile causes irritation and displeasure of others. Remember that it is the smile that people who communicate with you remember.
Thirdly, a person is necessarily proud of his name, he cherishes deep inside his soul the hope that this name will be constantly pronounced when meeting with him. When meeting, always try to say the name of the interlocutor several times in a conversation. If you are introduced, then remember the name of the interlocutor. The person whose name you pronounce will most likely treat you kindly, since you have shown attention to his person.
Fourth, during a quarrel, when a person is especially annoyed, he wants to express his point of view. Some people, and they are considered good conversationalists, only ask questions and listen. Therefore, try to always listen to your interlocutor, especially if he is upset and annoyed. Encourage him with questions relevant to the case, be interested in the opinion of your interlocutor. You will feel how close people have become to you, whom you hardly knew before. Don't think that listening is a waste of time. Most likely, you will see how many interesting people are around you, because they work in a different place, live in a different area, vacationed not where you are. You will learn this, and perhaps something will be useful to you in the future.
Fifth, every person we meet on the path of life believes that he is somehow superior to you. And rightly so, because he may have a more beautiful voice or he can play the saxophone better. But although this man is sure in his superiority, he just needs you to notice it. Therefore, to better establish communication with others, talk about what interests your interlocutor and what he succeeds in. The remark, even made in one sentence, that the interlocutor has beautiful hair, clear diction, beautiful handwriting, has a magical effect.
A person begins to feel that he is significant, that he is superior to those around him, even in terms of the length of his hair. Believe me, it gives good results. Use this rule everywhere and always. And you will feel that others will pay attention to you, and many of them will even try to establish friendly relations with you.
How to change relationships with a person without conflict
Often people use criticism in order to change something in a relationship. And they do it wrong. Psychologists say that a person who listens to critical remarks will certainly begin to defend himself and look for excuses for himself. Even if the criticism is justified, it hurts self-esteem, so it does not work. Criticism hurts pride and leads to conflict. It leads to the fact that a person will look for a “boomerang”, that is, an opportunity to make a remark to a critic.
Therefore, when you want to change something in relationships with people or in the person himself, then start the conversation by recognizing his merits, with praise, and then make a comment. But try to do it not directly, but in disguise. A direct remark is perceived as a challenge, reproach and causes irritation.
The best way to mask the remark is this: First, tell us about your mistakes in the past, about how you got into an unpleasant similar situation and how you got out of it. Later, you can say that now the situation is the same and you will try to get out of it together. Thanks to such a policy, you will be able to understand what happened. So ask your interlocutor a number of questions, but not ordering. Say it will help maintain prestige. Reassure that you want to resolve the situation in such a way that no one's rating goes down. Express your suggestions and ask for comments from the interlocutors. If you have established a plan of action, then begin.
When you achieve success, even the slightest, express your approval. Celebrate every success. Do it sincerely and generously. Hold back negative emotions. All these actions will help to achieve the desired result. If you notice mistakes, then the desire to work, to perform the planned actions will disappear. To prevent this from happening, create an environment in which it is possible to correct the mistake, but at the same time it does not involve great difficulties. Difficulties frighten any person, especially one who has already made a mistake. Let him get the impression that it will be easy, at least possible, to do what he has planned. It is necessary that a person be sure of success. To do this, create a reputation for him that I would like to justify. Get him to be happy to do what you suggest.
Psychologists have found that a person who is reproached and criticized loses self-confidence and does the work “sloppy”, afraid of making another mistake.
But if such a person is trusted and does it in front of others, then he tries to do the job neatly and with dignity. Draw your own conclusions!
If the conflict nevertheless occurred and you are in a quarrel with someone, then remember the Russian proverb about the “bad world”. Psychologists agree with this statement, since the “bad world” is able to transform into a normal one. A quarrel is a static state in which negative emotions accumulate, but there is no dialogue.
Therefore, it is necessary to interrupt the quarrel by taking the first step. Even the ancients believed that the first step is taken by strong people. The first step is always the most difficult, but if you decide to take it, then you have reached a certain maturity in communication. Prepare yourself for any reaction. General words or apologies may be said, the person may become defensive or confused, etc.
In any situation, it must be remembered that we live among people who are subject to emotions and act illogically. But, most likely, if you stay open and sincere, speak in a friendly and honest way, the “storm” will quickly pass and reconciliation will come.
In such a situation, it will be easier for the partner to admit his guilt, especially if you admit your own. It is known that in any conflict two are to blame. Let your guilt be less, but, having admitted it, you will feel calm and peaceful, especially when they answer you the same.
Unfortunately, this won't solve the whole problem. It is almost impossible to solve any problem right away. Settle the conflict, too. Therefore, gradually increase the time of communication. Starting even from 5 minutes on the phone or in a meeting. Such communication will require patience. But tension can be relieved by something distracting, as well as the thought that everything will definitely work out with time. Take your time - this can disrupt the dialogue and scare your partner away. Be careful what you do.
Change some of your habits so as not to revive memories of the past. You can't behave the way you used to.
And you can not remember a past offense, blaming yourself or another. Remembering the past, you will touch on those moments that are still painful for both you and your partner. Especially since everything has already been said. No wonder they say: “Forgiveness means forget".
Don't threaten. You will drive a person into a corner, because after the words: “Do it again, and I will…” - he will feel depressed and humiliated. Never humiliate, do not demand complete submission. If you achieve it, then know that the person lied to you, he began to be cunning in order to get rid of you, as from misfortune. It is better to sympathize with the failure, but in a tone that matches the situation, that is, without irony and sarcasm.
Of course, reconciliation after a quarrel is sometimes very difficult, but this happens because a person does not realize what he is losing. Emotions overwhelm him. Psychologists advise to divide a sheet of paper in half and write in one column “What I am losing”, in the other column “What am I gaining”.
This will make it easier to assess the conflict. Most often, the first column contains 2-3 times more items than the second. And the person makes the right decision. Think about it.
About disputes
Renowned psychologist Dale Carnegie advises avoiding arguments like rattlesnakes. He believes that 90% of the participants in the dispute are convinced that they are right even more firmly than before. The fight is almost impossible to win. Since if you emerge from the dispute as a winner, then you lose a friend, a partner in the transaction. This is natural because a person feels uncomfortable losing an argument. Therefore, it is necessary to give the opportunity to win the dispute to your friends. An argument is a blow to self-esteem, often very painful. He makes you want to strike back, but not change your mind. The dispute causes a feeling of protest, a desire to defend and even attack the interlocutor. But what to do if you need to convince a person?
Try to express your opinion subtly so that an argument does not flare up. You can convince, as if recalling what could happen, or remembering a similar situation. Let your partner think that this idea belongs to him, but he did not express it to the end.
Avoid arguing, even if you are called to a fight. Be above meaningless arguments. Do not tell the interlocutor that he is wrong. Listen to his opinion, try to understand why he thinks this way. Look for hidden motives - this will help to have an equal dialogue.
Allow the possibility of error - you are also mistaken. If at the same time you use the words: “I may be wrong, but ...”, then you will never get into a difficult situation.
Listen to the interlocutor patiently and with interest. Then you will be able to understand him better, and your partner will want to know what you think about this problem. If you interrupt the conversation with remarks, you will achieve nothing. Your interlocutor, at best, will miss the information on deaf ears, at worst, get angry.
Do not demand submission and consent from the interlocutor. This will lead to insincerity of relations, to a distance from the constructiveness of decisions. Ask the interlocutor for favors.
Try to speak interestingly and put emphasis in the right places. This will help perception and understanding.
If you are criticized
Criticism is a thankless and ignoble occupation. Moreover, she can break a person, make him worry about a trifling matter. But you will not succumb to criticism, you will not give in to it if you know that you are openly criticizing for two reasons:
1. To experience the satisfaction of being superior to you. Such people are especially happy that they have better, more, etc. They expect you to feel humiliated, broken.
2. Such people do not know how to communicate, they are so superficial that they do not understand the insults that they inflict.
Therefore, take unfair criticism as a compliment. And if this is difficult to do, then try not to pay attention to it. Forget and move on. Criticism can be caused by envy (See "Envy") or jealousy. Then it will be expressed in the form of a claim or even an order. The voice may be irritated, nervous. Do not try to justify or indulge such criticism. Ignore, defend yourself with misunderstanding, non-perception.
Psychologists believe that people who constantly criticize are insecure. With the help of criticism, they want to consolidate their positions, and not point out your mistakes. You are more likely to irritate such critics if you are open and casual.
Use your charm with such a person and try to laugh off criticism without taking it seriously.
You can also try to criticize in response to a completely different reason. The critic will see himself as if in a mirror and, perhaps, stop and think.
If the critic persists, insists on his own, if he is irritated and nervous, then it is worth retreating. Psychologists advise retreating openly, such as getting up and walking away, to show your displeasure and leave the person alone to think about the situation. You should not expect that the critic will immediately change, but if he began to speak out less often, then you need to support him in this endeavor.
Envy
Envy is a “poisonous” character trait, it appears when a person wants to have something that another has. It can be success, and love, and well-being.
All people are subject to envy. Each of us at least once in our lives envied someone from those around us. If injections of envy are rare and do not affect loved ones, they are useful. But if a person is constantly envious, then he evokes in himself a feeling of resentment and dissatisfaction, a desire to encourage others to have the same that he has.
Envy causes negative reactions, both physical and spiritual. Physical manifestations are blows that often go unnoticed (trips, pulling hair, etc.). In most cases, this is what children and adolescents do. Adults have different strokes. Envy pushes them to indecent behavior, they begin to be rude, gossip, “hook up” the one they envy.
Of course, there is no more beautiful feeling in life than the joy of victory, and more bitter than defeat. We get depressed, we splash out our dissatisfaction with fate on relatives and loved ones, we assure ourselves that the events taking place in our lives are unfair. And looking at the winners reinforces negativism, discontent.
Thanks to such actions, a person soon turns into an envious loser. Surrounding people feel awkward around, afraid to hurt a sore spot.
The envious person is similar to the possessed, who acts openly or in disguise. He begins to criticize the “winner”, finding flaws in him and savoring them.
Don't give in to envy. Try to suppress it. This is possible if you try to be kind to people.
Rejoice for the winner, this will help you inspire yourself to good luck. Do not try to "annoy" him - it will return to you like a boomerang.
If you believe in yourself and are honest with yourself, then most likely you will find the cause of envy and convince yourself that it is not worth quarreling with friends.
English psychologists advise getting rid of envy by pleasing yourself with a purchase or a good walk. It is also possible to be distracted from the object of envy, since it has been established that people who are engaged in an interesting business rarely envy.
Several behaviors to improve relationships with other people.
1. Relieve stress. The basis of this method is control over your physical condition. Take a few deep breaths and count to ten. Well, if you look at the clock. This method helps to get rid of irritation, which makes it possible not to be rude to the boss or to calmly talk to his wife. It also restores diction if you are worried.
2. Humor is a good way to improve your relationships with others. If you are not accepted into the team and they laugh at your physical or spiritual shortcomings, try to make fun of yourself or the person who is the instigator in this situation. But the joke should not be evil, caustic.
Psychologists believe that the person who jokes about his shortcomings avoids jokes about himself. "They love those who laugh at themselves." If you find it hard to come up with a funny phrase right off the bat, start a notebook and have a few good jokes in stock.
3. This method can be defined in one word: “Forget”. Forgetting your troubles, you gain new strength for work and communication. No one likes to communicate with a person who is preoccupied with his own problems, constantly walks around with a tired look, never smiles. Tell yourself, “I love myself. I am able to forget, not to think about troubles.” Repeat this more often.
4. In order to improve relationships with others, do not lose your temper, do not lose your temper. You should calm down, smile all the time and speak in a soft, friendly tone. This method works wonders. Even the “evil” boss softens with such treatment.
5. English psychologists advise using the “Fantasy” method. If you are irritated and want to free yourself from your negativism, imagine that you are doing something to your abuser, which makes him feel bad (beat him, spit in his soup, etc.).
This will never come true, but the tension will pass, and it will be easier for you to communicate with the offender. Draw your offender, and then tear the drawing. Burn the photo. All these activities release positive energy.
Gesture Communication Tactics
Palm. Hands
Human palms have always been considered a vulnerable spot, so their openness was identified with sincerity, honesty, and devotion.
Observation #1
If your interlocutor is frank with you, he opens his palms completely or partially. If he cheats, then most likely, he will hide his palms either behind his back, or in his pockets, or cross his arms over his chest. Your interlocutor can, of course, deceive with open palms, but you will most likely notice the unnaturalness of his posture. Researchers believe that most people cannot cheat with open palms at all.
Tip #1
Develop the habit of holding your palms open when talking, as this will help you speak sincerely with your interlocutor.
And also this gesture will help your interlocutor to be honest and open with you.
Observation #2
Often the palm is used to indicate, request, order. If the palm looks like a asking hand, then the person perceives your desire as a request, a confidential wish.
If the palm is below, such a gesture is perceived as patronizing or as an indication, sometimes cruel. It can cause hostility if you talk and ask in this way to a person who is not in the position of a subordinate.
If at the same time the index finger is used, then such a gesture causes a desire for protection from the overwhelming hand.
Tip #2
Try to express your instructions and wishes with a gesture when the palm is at the top. Do not use a "pointing" gesture, i.e. with the help of the index finger, as this always leads to a negative reaction.
Observation #3
It has been established that there are three types of handshakes. One of them is dominant: your interlocutor, with such a handshake, holds his hand palm up, and you are dominant. In another handshake, your palm is facing up - this is a submissive handshake. And the best option is an equal handshake, where both palms are in the same positions. The researchers also noticed that a submissive handshake is often found in people who take care of their hands - these are surgeons, artists, artists, musicians; as well as in people whose hands “reflect” the disease - arthritis.
Tip #3
Do not use a dominant handshake, as you may lose your partner. Try to change position if you yourself fell under the dominant handshake. Take a step with your left foot forward, then with your right, invading the intimate zone of a person, and turn your hand to a vertical position.
If you come to visit, the owner of the house is the first to offer a handshake. If he does not do this, do not insist, limit yourself to a nod of the head.
Observation #4
A domineering, aggressive person to some extent can shake hands with a crunch of fingers, give a hand horizontally with a palm down, shake hands with an unbent, straight hand. All these gestures are dominant, clearly demanding submission.
Tip #4
To get rid of the dominant position of the interlocutor's hand, use the “glove” gesture.
But when meeting such a gesture, it is better not to use it, as you will look insincere, suspicious.
If you want to express your sincere disposition to your interlocutor, then touch your partner’s elbow or shoulder with your hand. The greater the closeness between you, the easier it will be for you to carry out such a maneuver.
Such a gesture should not be used in business contacts, as this can lead to a negative result. Your partner may think that you want to invade his personal space (thus making him believe that you are not deceiving him).
Observation #5
Two gestures are well-known and do not require much comment: rubbing the palms and rubbing the thumb against the index finger.
The first means the expectation of something joyful (events, transactions, communication), the second - the expectation of money.
Tip #5
Try not to use the gesture - rubbing your thumb against your index finger, especially if you work in the service sector, as you may seem impolite, rude.
Observation #6
If the fingers are clasped, then this shows disappointment and a desire to hide it. A negative attitude is expressed by all three ways of gripping fingers.
The difference is only in the strength of disappointment.
Tip #b
If your interlocutor has folded his hands in this way, try to “relax” his gesture, show your palms openly, calmly change your posture to an inviting one.
Observation #7
The hands are folded into a figure similar to the spire of a tower. This position of the hands is used by self-confident people who have consolidated their positions and are not afraid of a miss. Men are more likely to use the spire-up, women - the spire-down.
In general, this gesture is considered as positive, but in a certain context it can be negative. But everywhere it means self-confidence.
Tip #7
When interpreting this gesture, remember the previous gestures. If they are positive, the spire-gesture fixes them, if they are negative, it indicates a negative attitude towards what is happening.
Observation #8
A person who puts their hands behind their back or keeps their hands on their hips. He is self-confident, independent, feels superior to others. If one hand grabs the other, then such a person tries to pull himself together. The more upset the person is, the higher the hand goes up.
Tip #8
If you want to relieve tension, then put your hands behind your back and clasp them in a lock, this will help you relax.
Observation #9
If your interlocutor focuses on the thumb, that is, puts it on clothes or on crossed arms, then this also indicates self-confidence. But this gesture must be considered in conjunction with other gestures. Such a gesture with crossed arms is a negative gesture, since the defensive crossing of the arms adds to the feeling of superiority of the thumbs. It can be both a mockery and disrespect for the interlocutor.
Tip #9
Do not use this gesture if you want to achieve an equal, trusting relationship with the interlocutor.
Such a gesture with assurances of modesty and unpretentiousness means a lie.
The touch of hands
Observation #1
If your interlocutor protects his mouth with his hand during a conversation, then most likely he is deceiving you. The brain at the subconscious level sends signals to restrain spoken words. Sometimes such a gesture can be veiled: only a few fingers or a fist will be near the mouth. Some people try to intentionally cough to hide this gesture.
If your interlocutor covers his mouth with his hand when he speaks, then he is trying to tell you a lie. If he covers his mouth with his hand when you speak, most likely he does not believe you and believes that you are deceiving him.
Tip #1
If you notice that at your words the interlocutor covered his mouth with his hand, then ask him to express his objections and ask questions. This will help your interlocutor.
Observation #2
The touch of the hand to the nose has the same meaning. More often, this movement is used by women so as not to lubricate makeup. This movement masks the deception of the speaker or the insincerity of the listener. In the same way, a deceitful person can touch the eyelid, look away, run his fingers under the eyes.
Tip #2
Even if you try to hide these gestures, your look and forced smile, your tension will betray you. Therefore, it is better not to cheat.
Observation #3
Touching the ears or ear most often suggests that your interlocutor is tired of listening. He does not want to listen to this or that information anymore, and he has a desire to speak out. This gesture came to us from childhood, disguised in touching the earlobe, in rubbing the auricle, in drilling the ear with a finger. In childhood, children plug their ears so as not to hear the instructions and reproaches of adults.
Tip #3
Give your interlocutor an opportunity to speak or move the conversation to another topic.
Observation #4
Touching the neck, scratching the side of it, or pulling back the collar says that your interlocutor does not agree with you. So he protests.
The collar pull gesture can also be used if your interlocutor is upset or angry. It happens that a person pulls back the collar when he lies and is afraid that the deceit will be discovered.
Tip #4
Ask your interlocutor to clarify the details or repeat what has already been said. If a person deceives you, he will not be able to continue his cunning game. Also, this question will help to focus an upset and even angry person.
Observation #5
If a person keeps his fingers in his mouth or tries to chew on a pencil, if he brings various objects to his mouth (pens, cigarettes, felt-tip pens), then most likely your interlocutor is upset and requires approval and support. This gesture also came from childhood, when a child felt safe if he held a pacifier in his mouth.
Tip #5
When your interlocutor has such a gesture, you need to support him or assure him that everything is going well.
Observation No. b
There are gestures that indicate boredom. They all come down to one thing - propping up the chin with your hand. If the head lies completely on the hand, then most likely the person has been bored for a long time. If at the same time he taps with his other hand on the table with his fingers or under the table with his feet, then this indicates impatience, an unwillingness to listen. Such a person does not perceive anything and does not try to understand. The faster the tapping, the more impatient the person becomes.
Tip #6
Try to captivate a person with a conversation, and if it doesn’t work out, then end the conversation, since there is no point in it anymore.
Observation #7
The evaluation posture is the support of the cheek with fingers clenched into a fist, while the index finger rests on the temple.
If a person loses interest, then his posture changes: the head will rest on the base of the palm, although the finger will remain
in the same position, masking boredom. Real interest is shown when the hand does not serve as a support for the head.
Often such a gesture is evaluated negatively. This happens when the index finger supports the chin. The longer a person will be in this position, the longer he will be critical.
Tip #7
An easy way to get rid of the critical mood of the interlocutor is to give the person something in their hands or try to captivate them with a conversation.
Observation #8
If a person strokes his chin, it means that he is trying to make a decision. If, along with this gesture, negative evaluative gestures follow, then the decision will be negative. And vice versa. If a person wears glasses or smokes a pipe, then he will definitely grab the headband of the glasses or the pipe with his lips, while stroking his chin. This gesture is often combined with other gestures - evaluative, bored.
Tip #8
Try to assess the situation, notice combinations of several gestures, as confusion can occur, and you misinterpret this or that gesture.
Observation #9
If a person slaps his neck with forgetfulness, then we can say about your interlocutor that he shows a negative attitude towards others. Be careful and careful with such a person. If a person slaps his forehead, then most likely he is open and capable of cooperation. It is easy to communicate with such a person.
Barrier hands
Observation #1
The first, characteristic position of the hands on the chest is an ordinary crossing. This means a defensive and negative state of a person. This is how people who are nervous in queues, elevators, in public places feel.
Most likely, your interlocutor with crossed arms does not perceive most of the information.
Tip #1
If you see that your interlocutor has his arms crossed on his chest, conclude that he does not agree with you, even if he says otherwise. It is necessary to encourage the person to adopt a more relaxed posture. Try to give the interlocutor a pen, a book, a piece of paper in his hands so that he changes his position and stretches forward. Or Ask to see the item being discussed on paper, if possible. You can also try to address the interlocutor with open palms and words that your partner can ask questions of interest to him and express his opinion.
Observation #2
If, with crossed arms, the palms are closed, that is, the hands are clenched into a fist, this means a hostile, offensive position.
A person may also turn red at the same time, which also means readiness for a verbal attack.
Tip #2
Try using a soothing gesture with open palms. Use a series of open gestures tofor the person to change position.
Observation #3
If, with crossed arms, the hands dig into the forearm, then the person most likely restrains negative emotions, his nervousness. If the hands lie relaxed on the forearms, then such a person most likely expresses superiority over others. Also, thumbs peeking out from under crossed arms speak of superiority.
Tip #3
If you learn to recognize the gestures of the people around you, you can see when it is necessary to make a series of gestures and change the conversation. This will give you the opportunity to change the course of things.
Observation #4
Sometimes people replace the full hand crossing gesture with a partial one. In this case, only one hand is placed across the body, clinging to the other hand. This is also a barrier.
Such a barrier is used in a society of strangers, with self-doubt. So People seem to hold their hands (as in childhood, when there was a need to hold someone's hand).
Tip #4
Try to adopt a more relaxed posture, such as placing your hands behind your back. This will help you feel more confident.
Observation #5
It should be noted that people often disguise the gestures of crossing their arms. Especially if they are in the center of the
mania. In order to disguise this gesture, a person most often reaches out to a handbag, bracelet, watch, or straightens a watch bracelet, a cufflink on a sleeve. These gestures hide excitement and self-doubt. For women, such a masking item is a handbag, a bouquet of flowers, a glass of wine. They are held in two hands, which also helps to feel more secure.
Tip #5
Help your interlocutor cope with a stressful situation by assuring him of the correctness of his behavior. Support your partner.
Barrier feet
Observation #1
Crossed legs are also a barrier to communication between people. But this gesture also carries a negative connotation, an attempt at defense. Most often, Europeans sit with their legs crossed, using yes a position for suppressing one's agitation as well as protecting oneself. This posture cannot be characterized without context, since
people often sit this way when the chair is uncomfortable or when the person has been sitting for a long time.
Americans most often sit in a position similar to the number 4 when they feel rivalry and conflict.
Tip #1
If your interlocutor took such a pose during the negotiation process, it is worth letting him speak, be sure to show him your palms and take a relaxing pose yourself.
Observation #2
If a person sits with his arms around his leg, he is likely to be hard to convince.
Tip #2
This is a sign of a very stubborn person who requires a special approach to himself. Be especially attentive to him, try to win him over.
Observation #3
If a person crosses his legs when standing, then he is probably in the company of people unfamiliar to him, where he feels uncomfortable.
If his interlocutors also have their arms crossed, their faces tense, then it is probably very difficult for them to communicate, even if they try not to show it.
Tip #3
When you want to meet new people, avoid crossing your legs and arms - this will help to establish closer contact.
Observation #4
If a person is in a defensive position, they can express this with their ankles brought together.
Thus, both men and women restrain their negative attitude, unpleasant emotions, fear, and agitation. They do the same when they want to hide the desire to say something.
Tip #4
If you want your interlocutor's excitement to disappear, come and sit so that you are not separated by a table, and the conversation will take on a more frank character.
If you are the type of person who is used to sitting cross-legged or with crossed ankles, then you'd better change your posture. And you will feel more confident and improve relationships with other people.
Observation #5
If the foot of one foot is wound behind the other leg, this strengthens the defensive position. This gesture is often used by women. For them, this means that they internally shrank, withdrew into themselves.
This behavior is typical for shy and modest women.
Tip #5
Try to switch the attention of such a person to something interesting. Use an open stance - this will help in communication.
Several disparate gestures
Observation #1
If you encounter a person who likes to sit astride a chair, then be sure that this person uses the chair as a shield against verbal attack. In this way, your interlocutor shows that he is ready to repel any attack and attack himself, i.e. with.behave aggressively.
Tip #1
In order to “disarm”, neutralize the “rider”, you need to conduct a conversation, standing next to your interlocutor and looking at him from above. If you already know that a lover of sitting on a chair will come to you, put him a chair with armrests that will prevent him from taking his favorite position.
Observation #2
When the interlocutor does not agree with you, he can collect non-existent villi from himself,
using the method of displacing unsatisfactory information. This gesture signals that the interlocutor does not agree with what is being said here.
Tip #2
Lean back in your chair, turn your hands palms up and ask your interlocutor to express their opinion on the subject of the conversation. If he agrees with you, ask: "What does not suit you in our conversation?".
Observation #3
If your interlocutor holds his head straight, then most likely he is neutral about what you say to him.
If at the same time he uses an evaluative gesture, then he will soon be able to make a decision.
If a person cocks his head to one side, this allows you to say that he was interested in the conversation.
If the head is tilted down, then, obviously, the person is dissatisfied with what is happening, he is critical, and you will have problems communicating with this interlocutor.
Tip #3
It is necessary to interest your interlocutor in something unusual or important. Also, if you are listening to someone, try to keep your head tilted slightly, and occasionally nod in agreement - this helps to make the conversation more frank.
Observation #4
If a person sits with his hands behind his head, it can be assumed that he is defending his territory, that he knows everything, that he is in control of the situation. This is a know-it-all gesture. If at the same time his legs are in the position of the number “4”, he is ready to argue, start a discussion.
Tip #4
To neutralize such a know-it-all, lean forward and ask him something. Then sit back in your chair and wait for an answer.
Or try to make your interlocutor lean forward by pointing him to something on the table, in the papers.
Observation #5
A person most often conveys an aggressive attitude with the help of a pose - hands on a belt. Such a person is ready to act, but this action will be associated with aggression. This is an offensive stance used by both men and women. Fearlessness is hidden in this gesture: the stomach and chest are open.
Tip #5
Try to show a series of gestures that characterize openness.
Show that you would like to avoid a collision.
If this does not help, then take the same pose. Copying a gesture can neutralize it.
Observation #6
There are gestures of readiness for actions of a seated person: the body moves forward, and the hands lie on their knees.
Tip #6
If you see such a pose in your interlocutor, end the conversation, as your partner understood what is required of him.
Behavior of smokers
People often use cigarettes when there is an internal imbalance and lack of comfort within themselves. In this way, smokers try to relieve the nervous tension that accumulates during the conversation.
A person holding a cigarette can tell you how he feels about the current situation. If positive, then the smoker releases smoke from his mouth up, if negative - down. If a person releases smoke from his mouth constantly up, then he is self-confident and pleased with himself.
If the smoke is released from the corner of the mouth, then a shade of negativism appears. A person with hidden thoughts will direct the plume of smoke down.
Blowing smoke through the nostrils is a sign of an arrogant attitude towards others. Such a person is self-confident and often aggressive.
Cigar smokers use smoking to express superiority and well-being, as cigars are not only large in size but also expensive in cost.
Pipe smokers don't like to make quick decisions. They try to delay the moment of decision, so they light a pipe (for which you first need to prepare everything). Also smoking a smoker's pipe is a good stress reliever.
If a person constantly throws off the ashes from the end of a cigarette, this indicates a difficult experience. Perhaps he needs help and support.
Glasses and manipulation with them
The main gesture with glasses is sucking on the temples of glasses. This is a comforting gesture, and it can also be one of the ways to slow down the decision. Glasses wearers also rub the bridge of their noses, constantly taking off and putting on their glasses, and
also wiping the lenses. All these gestures contribute to making a decision, so you should not interfere with the person who is doing such manipulations.
If a person looks over his glasses, then his attitude towards others is judgmental. Such a person is aggressive, he is able to criticize in harsh forms.
Telephone conversations
Often a person gesticulates, even if he does not see the interlocutor, but talks to him on the phone.
Mechanically drawing something on paper can tell about a person that he has an abstract way of thinking if he draws symbols. But this is extremely rare. In most cases, a person begins to draw on paper if he is not interested in the topic of conversation.
A smoker almost never smokes while talking on the phone. But if he learns something that worries him, upsets him, irritates him, then the speaker takes a cigarette and lights up.
If a person talking on the phone sways in a chair, then he is sure that the situation is under his control and will be decided in his favor.
If a person throws his legs on the table during a telephone conversation, then he feels his superiority in the presence of other people, and alone with a telephone receiver.
If, during a telephone conversation, in order to put a foot down, a box is pulled out, then this means “stepping on the throat” of the enemy and dominating the situation.
If the drawer of the table is constantly pulled out and pushed in, then this should be taken as follows: a person has encountered a serious problem and is trying to solve it by focusing on opening and closing the drawers. When a person makes a decision, he will close the box, stand up and answer firmly.
If a person gets up during a telephone conversation, he is surprised, shocked, or makes a decision, or is simply tired of the conversation, bored. Here it is worth paying attention to other gestures.
The lover is likely to cover the pipe with his hand and take a preening position (for women) or intimately closed from
surrounding. The husband will simply assume a relaxed, open posture if he is not arguing with his wife. He can even get bored with such a conversation.
Note that people who do not like to talk on the phone are often more sensitive, insecure people. Because they need not only to hear the interlocutor, but also to see him. People who like to talk on the phone are likely to be confident and try to always keep the situation in their hands.
Personal space
This is the space that a person considers his own. This is personal property - a house, a car, etc., and a territory that, as it were, continues the physical body of a person. The size of this territory depends on the population density. The rural dweller has more personal space than the urban dweller.
These territories are divided into parts:
1. Intimate space (from 20 to 50 cm). This space is guarded by a person as if it were his property. Only close people can enter this zone.
2. Personal space (from 50 cm to 1.5 meters). This space separates us at parties, receptions.
3. Social space (from 1.5 meters to 3.8 meters). Such a distance separates us from outsiders - the postman, the new employee, etc.
4. Public space (more than 3.8 meters). This space separates us from all people outside our contacts.
Advice: Psychologists advise to “keep your distance” in any situation, since intrusion into a person’s personal space can cause disguised gestures of discontent and denial.
There are situations in which it is practically impossible to avoid an invasion: transport, a concert, an elevator, etc.
Here are the rules:
1) you can not look directly at others;
2) you can not emotionally, loudly talk with friends;
3) the face should not express any emotions;
4) your movements should be restrained;
5) you can not look at other people's clothes.
A crowd of equally minded people defends one of their personal spaces. Even if it is violated verbally, the meeting of people becomes aggressive, often uncontrollable. Therefore, psychologists do not advise being in a crowd: those who press from behind can cripple you, and it is also not recommended to resist the crowd, as it often comes to assault.
Ownership is also personal space
People who own cars increase their personal space. Often the machine becomes a shield from the outside world. If the driver, standing near the car, leans on it, this is an open statement of the rights to space and pride in their property.
Psychologists have also found that it is more difficult for a person to establish contact if he behaves with the property of the interlocutor, as with with their property. For example, he leans on the jamb in the partner's house or on the car of his interlocutor. When talking, denial, discontent, negativism are immediately born.
The same situation develops if the visitor sits in the chair of the “owner”. If this is a petitioner, most likely he will not succeed in his case.
In summary, people will welcome you or avoid you depending on how much you respect their privacy.
Question answer
1. What gestures accompany the palms open, deployed openness? to the interlocutor. The head is in a neutral position, the legs are apart.
2. What gestures accompany Rubbing the eyelid, looking at the floor, to a person who is deceiving? the head is turned to the side, slightly lowered down. A tight smile, mouth covered with a hand.
3. What gestures form a barrier? entwined hands; one hand holds the other; clock correction; a handbag, a bouquet, a glass, which are held with two hands. Crossed legs (classically, the number "4"), crossing the ankles.
4. Posture of disapproval. What is she Crossed arms, look isko-maybe? sa, head tilted down, corners of the lips lowered, tapping fingers on the forearm.
5. Posture of superiority. Describe. Hands on the armrests of the chair. The chin protrudes forward, the legs are on the table. Thumb behind the head. The jacket is unbuttoned.
6. Offensive position. Astride a chair. The chin is raised. The look expresses readiness for an attack.
7. What manipulations do- They take a cigarette in their mouth, light up glasses and cigarettes when they eat. They take off their glasses, wipe them down, they want to relieve tension, the pulls are lenses. Do they take the shackle from the glasses to make a decision? into the mouth.
courtship gestures
The courtship process involves a series of gestures in order to lure a partner.
Men
Their gestures are few. The most famous gesture is the preening gesture. The man straightens his tie, smoothes his hair, brushes non-existent dust from his shoulder, straightens his shirt, cufflinks. The defiant gesture is a gesture - placing the thumbs behind the belt (sexual accent). Also, a man can look intimately, hold his gaze on a woman who is interested in him, can turn around to her or turn his socks legs. He also uses a stance - hands on hips - to demonstrate fearlessness and strength.
Women
Women also use preening gestures. Adjusting their clothes, they assume a pose when their hands are on their hips, their socks are turned towards the man, and their intimate gaze is fixed on the object of attention.
Women also use hair shaking, that is, a sharp movement of the head, to push the hair out of the face.
Women demonstrate their wrists, showing the delicate skin on them. This is the erogenous zone. She helps to “tease” a man.
A well-known female gesture is swaying the hips and legs apart.
Also, a woman’s inviting gesture can be considered a sideways glance, and she furtively notices that the man saw this look. This sensation “ignites”, bewitches. Another gesture is stroking cylindrical objects, as if a hint of intimate thoughts.
Communication is a great pleasure, but not every person knows how to listen, keep up a conversation and attract interlocutors.
But everything can be fixed: you just need to use a few simple rules.
How to behave during a conversation in order to please a colleague, boss, new acquaintance? Understanding...
The choice of friends is followed by the choice of society.
Make every effort to associate with those who are above you.
This will elevate you, while association with people of a lower level will force you to descend, for as the society in which you are, so you yourself.Philip Dormer Stanhope Chesterfield
Consider 6 simple but very effective rules for mastering the art of communicating with people, both in a business environment and in everyday life.
You can read about the basic rules of communication in the article: Communication rules that can give you the key to success in any conversation
Rule #1: Brevity is the sister of talent
You don't need to jump right into lengthy explanations. It is best to speak to the point, clearly expressing your thoughts, trying not to be distracted by extraneous details and not jumping from one topic to another. This is especially important when there is not much time for talking (for example, at work).Before you start a conversation with a person by calling him on the phone or meeting him by chance (if he is not a close relative or a very good friend), you should ask if he has a free minute. You need to try to meet the allotted time, not starting from afar. It always has.
Rule #2: Listen More
Talk less and listen more - this is how a person who knows the intricacies of communication behaves. Often, many people try first of all to dump on their counterpart the maximum amount of information about themselves, and it is almost impossible to wedge through this stream of speeches.This approach to business affects mainly residents of megacities who experience social stress: they are practically not interested in the affairs of new acquaintances, since there are already too many daily communications.
You should not miss the opportunity to hear the interlocutor, because it is possible that he has important or interesting information. If you show participation and encourage a person with a gesture or a smile, then communication will go more positively!
Rule #3: Don't Go Deep
It is very pleasant to immerse yourself in your own impressions and memories, but still everything has its time. It's one thing to talk about it to children or close friends, and another thing to talk to a random interlocutor or future boss.It is better to try to find common ground and topics with a person, otherwise full-fledged contact will not work. The easiest way is to start talking about the weather, even if it is trite. After that, the conversation will begin to flow in a given direction.
Rule #4: You don't need to teach anyone about life
You should not try to convince everyone around you that you are right, even if it is. Few people like it and creates a negative impression on the interlocutor. Nobody forbids having your own opinion, but you need to understand that this is not the ultimate truth.Rule #5: No to gossip!
Discussing mutual friends and neighbors is a bad form. It may happen that after they are given unflattering words, even noticeably embellished. And this is fraught with damaged relationships, which can be very problematic to restore.It is worth using neutral topics, interesting events for both interlocutors, sharing impressions.
Rule number 6: Down with criticism!
It is usually easier for a person to notice a speck in another's eye than a beam in one's own. In communication, people are looking for support, not condemnation and criticism, so it’s worth keeping yourself within the limits and biting your tongue when necessary.Even if the interlocutor has flaws, you don’t need to get hung up on them - no one is perfect.