In my life, I came across several men whom women usually characterize with the capacious and offensive word “scumbag”. They suffered for years from abstinence, unrequited love and being in the friend zone. I analyzed what they had in common. It turned out 10 traits of a man who no one needs!

1. The brightest and most conspicuous thing was this: they openly told everyone that they were not of interest to the opposite sex. No, no, so that, they say, I'm a vile slug that no one gives. No.

It was something like: where are you my only one who will choose me unlike others ... Nobody needs me for three hundred years ...
So he said it - and everything seems to be the same.

But some contemptuous feeling from the series is already splashing in you - well, you are a slug.

2. In such a man, disorder, dissatisfaction with life constantly shows through. And he blames others for his failures. For example, yes.
- I have no stake, no yard, only a paralyzed mother. And all why? Because my wife, a bitch, robbed me during a divorce, and she put me out with nothing. And the boss, bitch, presses, does not give a bonus. Eh, they didn't teach me a new computer program. Now here I sit without a bonus ...

3. The man scored on himself and looks frankly bad. His clothes were bought 20 years ago, his shoes are worn out, he smells of cheap cologne and complexes. Unsportsmanlike, weak, clumsy.

4. If he works in a women's team, then he allows his colleagues to frankly sit on his head. Responds with consent to any requests, afraid of offending someone. He considers himself obliged to look after the ladies - colleagues.

5. Talks about himself as if he were a child. There are many diminutive suffixes and expressions characteristic of women in his speech. For example, for lunch, he buys "pink yogurt with strawberries." Booee...

6. I am sure in advance that I have to pay something for intimate favors. It is read at the level of instincts. As a result, the fool is simply milked. A normal man understands that he did not find himself in the garbage heap. And if he pays for coffee, he considers it a tribute to tradition, not a bribe.

7. Allows you to keep yourself in the friend zone for a long time, serves as a vest for a woman.

8. Not able to make responsible decisions, succumbs to difficulties. This is partly why he feels confident only with very young girls, almost schoolgirls.

9. He is simply an empty, uninteresting person. He is only interested in himself and his own troubles. He is unable to be interested even in the woman he is trying to court!

10. He considers himself defective and therefore deliberately selects for acquaintance those women whom he considers ugly!

What else to add here? What repels women?

It seems to me that emancipation has become a trap for many women who imagine that they do not need anyone to be happy, except themselves. Why does a modern independent woman need an extra appendage in the form of a man, children and other domestic nonsense that prevents her from moving forward? All these pots, diapers, dust on the chest of drawers, dirty toilet bowls, spattered sinks - everyday life, pushing personal happiness somewhere into the background.

A woman in the modern world opens up so many opportunities! She can build a career, travel, create, engage in her cultivation and live for her own pleasure. Why bury yourself in everyday life? Why does she need a family?

Legitimate questions that arise for one who observes, alas, not too friends, the exhaustion of mothers with many children, the eternal concern of wives who are forced to constantly keep in good shape to preserve what has long since collapsed - a prosperous family.

"I will not live in illusions, she says to herself. “I am extremely honest with myself. I don't need all this romantic crap. I need . I don't want to follow social patterns. I only have one life! And I want to fill it not with what everyone fills it with: family problems and washing dishes. And really important events. I will make it a continuous celebration of diversity. It will have endless journeys. Knowledge of the world. A job that brings me pleasure. Love, free and not obliging, not binding me. And I myself will be responsible for everything!”

Tell me, didn’t such thoughts come to each of us? Someone in his youth, and someone in adulthood, after many disappointments.

"I do not need anyone!" - it's a lie

Women who say that they do not need anyone to be happy, in my opinion, are disingenuous. Or they try to persuade themselves. Like, I am above all this obsession with obligatory female (chicken) happiness near chickens and a rooster running after all moving objects of a chicken kind.

All this may be so. And happiness, indeed, is not in the presence of someone nearby and not in the creation of a nominal family with all the side effects. Happiness lies elsewhere: creativity, awareness of oneself as a harmonious unit of the universe - a part of the Universe.

Only here, in order to become part of the Universe, you need to know its laws, that is. There is nothing in them about female emancipation, but there is a column about the dependence of everyone on everyone (the principle of communicating vessels), the law of Yin and Yang, the rule for filling voids, the law of giving and receiving, as well as cause and effect relationships.

If this were not so, we would not have such a huge number of unhappy women. Smart, beautiful, independent and infinitely lonely.

Yes, they have mustaches. They know their worth. They hold the bar. But they have to decide everything on their own. Take responsibility for everything and everyone, earn a living, provide yourself with housing, food, comfort, independently cope with problems and difficulties, domestic troubles and bad mood. All by herself. Always by herself.

You can, of course, start for sex. And "daddy" for material and spiritual services.
And with secret envy, look at your “unfortunate” and anxious family friends, try to prove to everyone, and above all to yourself, that you don’t need this. “I can live without my family. In order to have sex, even a man is not needed today. In order to chat with someone before going to bed, you can go to the Internet.. You can, of course, who can argue. But…

Don't go against nature

But are you frank in stating this, that is the question? Are you deceiving yourselves by rebelling against your own nature?

In the nature of a woman, fortunately, there still remains the ability to bear children, the need for empathy, the tendency to create and maintain a hearth. You can, of course, sublimate. And to translate these natural needs into areas of life that allow a woman to be realized professionally and personally.

But still ... sooner or later, nature will take its toll and rebel. And maybe even take revenge on the woman for neglecting her.

Unfortunately, the consequences of such an internal struggle with one's nature often result in very unpleasant relapses:
quarrelsomeness
envy,
pride
Arrogance,
,
depression
Suicide.

What to do? Do not tear your hair out if you can’t meet a worthy person in life? Why not rush at the first male that comes across, just to ring it and make it your property for the rest of your life? Not to come off on everyone who gets into the access zone, for all their dislike, bad luck and brain dust that interferes with life?

What to do?

You can follow several rules:

Be honest with yourself in reality, not in words. Be aware that the statement: “I don’t need anyone” is a lie.

Do not be ashamed of your natural desires. Dreaming about love, intimacy, children, the opportunity to take care of someone and experience the care of loved ones - this is normal! We are social animals and cannot live without people. It is desirable that next to us were really close people.

Do not fall into despair or complete denial if life is not going as planned. Maybe you can be comforted by the fact that no one is perfect.

Do not strive, by all means, to become perfection, build perfect relationships and create a perfect family. This is basically impossible. What is perfect is tasteless. It has no zest, no drive. To better understand the essence of this paragraph, I advise you to watch an unusual film on this topic “Inappropriate Man” (his hero found himself in ideal conditions, where he had everything he wanted: a wonderful office, work, a cozy society of always smiling people, women, all consonants and always nice, etc. Why did he want to commit suicide?

Take steps to find loved ones. Those with whom you are comfortable, calm, pleasant, who are waiting and loving you, those to whom you can give the warmth of your soul. Don't stop if you're not lucky yet.

Do not give the search a global value. Anything too much interferes with the natural flow of life. Sometimes let go of your desires so as not to block their fulfillment.

Do not say that you do not need a family, love, children, a loved one, etc. If you voice it, the sky will believe you. And you will be left alone.

Do not be afraid to do good to people and confess your love and sympathy to them. If you make too high demands on people and constantly criticize, they are unlikely to want to be close to you. Did you yourself want to be in the place of the one to whom you are so demanding?

Believe in love! And she will come into your life to show you what it is worth living in this world for.

Nobody needs a person: how to stop feeling unnecessary

I'm all alone But this is not my choice, it's just that at some point nobody needed me. I don’t know if it happened suddenly or happened gradually, but I am the most superfluous person on Earth. No one calls, invites me over, asks how I'm doing, cooks scrambled eggs for breakfast, and waits home. There is silence and emptiness around me, but inside - pain. The pain of being over the abyss is thrown away like a worn pencil, like a torn shoe, like a broken chair.

A feeling of uselessness hung over me, like a black cloud over the field - there was no way to run away from it and no place to hide. How could this happen? I'm here, I'm here, I exist, why does everyone around me not care? Why was I left alone and what to do now if no one needs you?

These questions are not rhetorical at all, but quite specific. We will answer them in this article with the help of the knowledge gained at the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan.

Human needs human

All our states are the result of interaction with other people. Despite the fact that we are all different, we see the world in our own way and strive to achieve, often, opposite goals, we are still in the same boat. If we fail to build harmonious relationships in a team, among friends or in a couple, then we experience suffering and ask ourselves why no one needs or needs me.

An aching feeling in the heart, and in the soul - hysteria. This is how the feeling of uselessness is manifested in a person with a visual vector. For some reason, among the millionth city crowd and the seven billion population of the entire planet, for some reason he did not have anyone who would now come up, hug him and say: “ No, you are not redundant. I really need you". These words would instantly dispel all mental pain, and the world would cease to seem so evil and insensitive.

Nobody needs me: when love is replaced by indifference

A visual person is naturally endowed with the ability to build strong emotional ties with other people through sympathy, compassion and the highest earthly feeling - love. If, for some reason, these ties break down, then he falls into black melancholy and there is a feeling that he is a useless person. The reason for this may be a move to another city or country, a break in paired relationships, or the death of a loved one. All these events are very hard experienced by a person with a visual vector.

But loss is not only rupture or death. It also happens that, for example, relationships in a couple have turned into an ordinary neighborhood. Instead of compliments, care and heart-to-heart conversations, all interaction between spouses comes down to two phrases: "Good morning" and "Good night." The spectator, for whom emotional manifestations are as necessary as air, feels indifference towards himself. But he really wants to love and be loved, bathe in the care and attention of his wife or husband, give each other joy, arrange surprises and never, ever part. If this is not the case, then that same unbearable feeling arises in his soul: no one needs or needs me.

I see the real you

To get rid of it, it is important to learn how to build harmonious relationships. Training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan is just about this. You will involuntarily see not the outer shell of a person, but his inner world, which will allow you to speak the same language with him and understand like no other. In addition, you will understand yourself, realize your nature, and your internal states will change. Instead of black longing from loss, you will feel light sadness and gratitude for the fact that this person was in your life. The same will happen with the feeling of uselessness - it will be replaced by strong emotional ties with loved ones.

Hundreds of people share their results after completing the training:

“... Now a new relationship is developing with my husband. On a completely different level! And this is after twenty years of living together, which led to complete misunderstanding, resentment. How is this possible???
Not only is there no trace of resentment and misunderstanding ... In our relationship, such an unreal closeness appears (sometimes even after a long silence we begin to say the same thing)! After 20 years - getting to know each other again! Isn't that a MIRACLE?!

“... I began to understand others much better, the reasons for their actions and stopped being offended at every occasion ... Resentments and “chewing” them are what poisoned my life for many years. Miraculously, people with whom I had serious conflicts reached out to me. Genuinely stretched. I saw in their eyes a desire to be in my company, which has NEVER been before ... "

When nobody needs you: one against all

The same wording, but a different meaning, carries the words I don’t need anyone from a person with a sound vector.

Unlike an extrovert viewer, he is an introvert by nature, observing the world within himself. Questions arise in his head that lead far beyond the material world: “ Who am I?», « Why are we here?», « What is the meaning of everything that exists?»

The everyday worries of most people about what to eat, how to achieve success, where to meet true love, and so on, seem to him trifling and not worthy of attention. But philosophical reasoning, brilliant ideas and unprecedented theories of the sound engineer are not interesting for other people either. The sound engineer understands that no one needs it except himself, that it is difficult for him to find like-minded people. This misunderstanding creates a whole abyss between him and the outside world, where he stands on one side, and everyone else on the other.

As a result, a person with a sound vector becomes more and more withdrawn into himself. He decides that he does not need anyone, and as a result - he does not need anyone. He does not strive for people, but at the same time he can suffer greatly from loneliness.

Me and other people: enemies or part of a single plan

But whatever one may say, but we - people - are one whole and we cannot survive alone. Only by uniting, we create a collective security system and compensate for the lack of any qualities in each other. For example, a person with a skin vector organizes the extraction of food, the owner of the anal vector observes the traditions of past generations and passes on knowledge to descendants, spectators care about humanity and create culture, and sound people, with the help of their powerful abstract intelligence, contribute to the process of cognition.

We need each other, and so it was conceived by nature. And all our negative states, like the feeling of being useless, are the result of our misunderstanding of each other, our inability to interact with the world.

How to get out of this feeling of loneliness and take place in pairs, in social relationships, knows the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. About it

Good afternoon, I have never turned to a psychologist, but apparently the moment has come. Married for 20 years, married with a husband for great love, they themselves created everything that we have now - housing, a car, prosperity. At one time, one husband worked, received good money, I started working after my studies, a son was born, now he is already studying at the institute. I always tried to please my husband, and work, and home, everything is fine. In recent years, I began to notice that he sees nothing but work and his hobby, does nothing at home, I solve all common problems. In relation to me, he did not pay much attention before, I hinted at everything and organized it myself: the rest, I directly said what I needed to do or what kind of gift I would like. Apparently she ruined everything. He felt so comfortable: the child grew up, his wife is constantly at work, if necessary, she will hint or do it herself. Recently, he arranged such a life for himself - work, then a couple of hours he plays billiards, beer at home and sleep. And so every day. I started talking about it to him - of course, I don’t like it. Scandals began. He has one excuse - leave me alone. I understand that I myself allowed him to live carefree. I don't know what to do, how to fix the situation. I'm tired of swearing, I'm already tired of enduring and seeing his indifference. At the same time, I love him, he is a good person, a wonderful father. It turns out that I try, but he does not need anything other than his own interests.
Thanks for the help!

Irina, Russian Federation, 38 years old

Family Psychologist Answer:

Hello Irina.

//It turns out that I'm trying, but he doesn't need anything other than his own interests.// And you? It turns out that you are trying all your life for him and for the sake of your family, but what have you done FOR YOURSELF? Do you have your interests? You have always tried to please your husband, but have you forgotten to create in him a similar habit of pleasing you? Or do you think it's not necessary? And then, to please is to respond to those wishes and needs that a person himself voices. And from your text one gets the impression that you acted OUTSTANDING his needs, that is, in places you created needs for him that he did not even have time to tell you about! And then, it turns out, you expected a similar action from him. But he thought that you were doing everything voluntarily, and therefore did not consider that he owed you anything in return. And you are right - you yourself taught him that his needs are fulfilled, and yours can be ignored, because you yourself did not notice them. Read the article "Why a person should not forget about his needs" on my website, you will understand the situation a little deeper. And what to do now - you can try to disconnect from your husband temporarily, let him live as he sees fit. And take care of yourself and your needs. Your hobbies, your business. Stop trying and please, do only the most necessary, and first of all - what YOU need. Perhaps then the husband will need to formulate for himself what he really needs, what he doesn’t need, to separate these things, and also to understand that in order to have enough of your attention, he should also make some efforts. Only it is worth doing all this without demonstrations, without anger, with love - both for him and for yourself. For now, you can express love for him through accepting him as he is, and love for yourself through the formulation and satisfaction of YOUR needs.

Sincerely, Nesvitsky Anton Mikhailovich.