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And everything seems to be in order, but sometimes a positive mood disappears literally out of the blue and everything becomes uninteresting, have you noticed? According to recent studies, 30 to 90% of adults feel bored in everyday life, and among young people, more than 90% are bored. So what takes away our enjoyment of life?
website I found out the 7 main reasons due to which our life turns into a dull movie.
1. Monotony - every day is like the previous one
With the constant performance of the same things (at work, at home), everything gradually becomes a routine. The brain stops paying attention to details and does everything “automatically”. Any predictable experience becomes boring, the desire and taste for life are lost.
A capable person needs tasks of his level, only then can he be completely carried away by work and concentrate on it. If the job is too easy or not intellectual enough for you, then the treadmill will be more boring than the dullest movie. Only a new job or a new position that will match your skills and abilities will help here.
A person who does not understand himself and his goals is more prone to losing the joy of life, because it is more difficult for him to find interesting activities for himself. In addition, it is more difficult for him to sort out his feelings and understand what will make him happy. And if there is no desire to achieve something, then there is nothing to do. According to research, boredom can be an indicator of a life crisis and a need for self-determination.
Superficial people really have a hard time getting themselves interested in anything. If the inner world of a person is devoid of deep interests, goals and desires, experience is empty, and there is no ability to think, a person can entertain himself only with external events that can end or become boring.
Psychologist's advice: in this case, you need to set versatile goals and achieve them, developing motivation and expanding your horizons. Try different sports, dance, art, look for your hobby.
6. Unsuitable conditions
Question to the psychologist:
Hello. I lost my sense of life. I don’t know when it started, but it became especially clear during the third pregnancy.
My life hasn't worked out very well. Parents were constantly busy with their older brother (a difference of 8 years) and his problems. It got to the point of absurdity, my parents bought him new suits and didn’t see that I needed a bra, and I didn’t know how to approach it. My mother just didn’t work with me, didn’t tell me anything about growing up, about anything. I got to everything myself. I started working at the age of 14, I gave almost all the money to my parents, leaving something for pocket expenses. At the same time, I still remained a notorious and terribly vulnerable person. Therefore, when I had a young man, I messed up a lot of firewood. I was insanely attached, and he didn't need it. I didn't have any friends. And I always felt lonely. A few more failed loves. And then I just got mad. She lost weight, changed her image, got a promotion at work. I didn’t make friends, but I noticed that men like me. But bile and anger just overwhelmed. It pissed me off that the opposite sex looked at me like I was a toy. And then my future husband showed up. For some reason, I was afraid to officially link the relationship, and agreed to this only when I found out that I was pregnant.
I was not ready for this news, because we were using contraception, and I planned to get pregnant in a year. Despite this, when Polinochka was born, I knew that this was my most precious treasure. I just melted into my happiness. She managed everything around the house, she was a mother, a wife, and a mistress. There were difficulties with money, but oh well.
And then I find out that I am pregnant again, despite the precautions. The ultrasound showed a girl. The husband, who dreamed of a son, threw almost a tantrum from chagrin. Okay, God be with him. Ksenya was born and I felt the second wave of happiness. I was at my best, I knew everything, I could do everything, I managed everything. But financial difficulties increased.
My education turned out to be unclaimed in remote work. I decided to leave the kids with my mom and go to work too. I was not satisfied with my employer's terms of employment and I quit my job to find a new job offer. And then I found out that I was pregnant for the third time.
I cried and for the first time began to consider the option of an abortion. They refused to hire me when I was pregnant. My husband is also tired of working alone all the time. I was of no use, all the government assistance was spent on diapers and food for children. Yes, and I was also tired of sitting at home, I wanted to go out to people. However, the question of abortion disappeared by itself. Physiology played a trick, I had a fetal wash, which I took for menstruation, and found out about pregnancy at the 12th week. The pregnancy was difficult: toxicosis, panic attacks (I first heard about them), contractions, starting from the 30th week, an early delivery on time. My beloved adorable son was born. Smarter than a child, I have not met. But in my heart all the feelings have dulled. I want to sleep all the time. I stopped doing everything around the house. If earlier I loved to cook for them, but now just to get rid of: sausages with pasta and a tomato; normal dinner. I washed the floors yesterday, so I'll vacuum tomorrow. And more and more money is not enough, because the children grow up. When my son was one year old, I still went to work. But all my kids got the flu, and I was called during sick leave and asked to write a letter of resignation. When three children were at home with a temperature below 40, I had no time for swearing, I signed everything they wanted and quickly went home. After this experience, my mother refused to help look after the children, and I have no one else to rely on. Because the son is not taken to the garden by age, for a given period of time he is 2 years old.
Attempts to sell their handicrafts were also unsuccessful. And all this my lack of demand and unfulfillment led to the fact that I do not want anything. Small housing? Come on, the main thing is that you have a roof over your head. No money for meat? Well, we have rice, hungry - eat without meat. It all boils down to can't and don't want to. The third pregnancy made itself felt even in terms of health, my hair falls out and it began to turn gray - this is in 30 years !!! And a hormonal imbalance that will never recover. And make an appointment with a doctor, so there is no record. Everything seems to be against me. Everything I do ends in failure. Even cooking does not work, some kind of nonsense. I'm already tired of fighting. I'm just tired. Everything infuriates me, every little thing that is not for me. I want one to be left alone. My father infuriates me, who teaches me how to live, but did not arrange his life. Now there is some kind of wild state that every step, even going to the bathroom to brush my teeth, requires huge efforts from me. My husband is already tired of enduring my displeasure. I understand him, anyone would be tired.
And I myself do not want to. I love my husband, I love children. I want to be their support. If only life gave a gift to somehow shake things up.
I have a dream to become again what I was before marriage, slender, free-spirited and with gorgeous hair. To be able to solve the housing and material issue, while remaining a tender loving mother and wife.
Please help me. I am lost. How can I find not a path, but a road. I can't handle myself anymore. Self-study and reading books like Louise Hay only leads me to a dead end. What should I do.
The psychologist Zhemchuzhnikova Valentina Mikhailovna answers the question.
Good afternoon, Tatyana!
I sincerely sympathize that you are in such a state and there seems to be no one to help and support you.
The first thing I want to advise is that you definitely need to go to the doctor and discuss with him how to improve your health, because hormonal imbalance can negatively affect both your physical condition and your mood. And the second is to go to the gynecologist and deal with protection so that you don’t accidentally get a fourth child, because even the very fact of pregnancy, even if you don’t give birth, will have an extremely negative effect on your morale.
I did not quite understand your relationship with your husband - how he looks at the situation, whether he supports you or does not support you, whether there is help from him in terms of everyday life and caring for children. The feeling that you are all alone with three children. Have you talked frankly with your husband about the current situation, how do you feel now, what is with your health? Have you asked your husband for help, for some kind of unloading, so that you have at least a little time for yourself?
Did you talk to your mother after she refused to help you with the children? Maybe you should try again to discuss this issue with your mother, ask for help, because you can’t cope on your own and are already on the verge both physically and mentally?
Is there anyone else in your environment who could help you (friends, relatives)?
You write that you want to become the same as before marriage. But from your letter I did not see much happiness. Yes, there were no children, and you were free, but, as it seemed to me, you have a lot of resentment towards your parents and men. It is not clear about your feelings for your husband, how you built a relationship with him and what you get from your husband. The feeling that in children you tried to find and receive what you did not receive from others - tenderness, love, care. But now it's not enough for you - just being a mom. But otherwise, nothing seems to have changed - the same relationship with the parents, there seems to be no support and care from the husband either. Only now you are not free and cannot freely dispose of yourself and your time.
It seems to me that you need face-to-face work with a psychologist (personal meetings, Skype), it is possible to contact some social centers where you can get help for free. You need to find support and support in someone, work out your relationships with parents, men, take a fresh look at the situation and see new ways of development.
If this option is not possible, then the only thing I can advise is to speak frankly with your husband and your mother, talk about your condition, about your feelings and ask for help and support. You need support, you need at least some free time for yourself (to take a walk, meet with friends, maybe go to work for at least a couple of hours if you really want to). The younger one will grow up and soon it will be possible to send him to the garden and it will become a little easier for you.
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Why does the desire to dream and create suddenly disappear? Joy inspires and gives a sense of the fullness of life. But suddenly something breaks - the ion leaves. Do you know the feeling of hopelessness and apathy? To deal with it, you need to understand its true cause.
Well, here are the main reasons:
1. Fatigue.
When a person does not know how and does not want to rest, turns his existence into a continuous race for results, forgets about spiritual things, negative energy accumulates, poisoning his life. It pulls down like a chain and does not allow you to “fly up”.
2. Feeling like an unnecessary person.
This feeling calls into question the value of the individual, its usefulness, the very meaning of existence seems to be a mockery.
3. Obyazalovka.
If a person goes through life guided only by principles: I must, I am obliged, I am forced, he looks like a barge hauler on the Volga. An “eternal debt” constantly hangs over him, like a huge cobblestone above his head, and makes him unhappy.
4. Aimlessness.
Life is like a tumbleweed: where the wind blows, I move there. Please do not confuse goals with desires. Desires are more mundane. It is normal to have desires - to love, to dress nicely, to earn good money, to have a family, to live in abundance, etc. Their realization ensures the joy of existence, as an individual, as a separate person. Desires are necessary for a person for himself, as ensuring his comfortable and pleasant existence.
The goal is a higher concept, it is connected with the destination. Its meaning is through itself, its mission to make our world a better place, to do something on a global scale, to benefit humanity.
5. Obsession and one-sidedness.
It is good to do what you love and interesting, to be a professional and an expert. But ... one-sidedness does not benefit anyone. For example, if a scientist deals only with formulas and struggles with some task for many years, without getting up from the table for days, other aspects of his life suffer: relationships, physical health, social adaptation.
6. Inability to enjoy the little things.
Many people imagine a happy existence as a constantly erupting volcano of passions, emotions, extraordinary events. And the joy of life, it is in every moment, in every breath, in the clouds floating across the sky, in the realization that there is a person who will always listen to you, understand, keep silent for the company, even if he is far away.
7. Monotony of existence.
When everything in life is well and has been rolling along the planned rails for a long time, boredom sets in, interest in life is lost. This is stagnation.
Any business, any relationship and our entire existence is a process. What is a process? Motion. Change. Growth. If these parameters are missing, the process stops, life stops, death occurs. Therefore, often the loss of interest in life leads to depression and is one of its signs.
8. Setting a big goal and contemplating it in all overwhelming grandeur.
When there is a global goal, its scale may seem overwhelming and unrealistic to our consciousness. There is fear, a feeling of powerlessness and meaninglessness of existence. Dead end.
9. Desocialization.
A person who has little contact with people in life experiences an acute deficit in recognizing himself as a social being. Like it or not, but we live in a society, we need it, we need live human communication. This hunger cannot be satisfied. Not music, not games, not books, not anything else.
10. Blocking of feelings - apathy.
A person has no desires, no interest, no joy. This mechanism, as a defense, includes our psyche in order not to experience negative feelings and emotions.
But when negative emotions are blocked, the flow of positive feelings (joy, delight, interest) is also blocked. Usually this happens when a person does not even want to admit to himself unpleasant feelings - dislike for parents, spouse, children, himself.
How to find the joy of life again?
1. Start doing.
The more you do nothing, the more you don't want to do. Do it to get tired. Strain. Program yourself like an automaton, like a robot. Act without pause. Morning. Woke up. Washed up. Charger. Breakfast. Clean snow. Write a dissertation. Develop a project. Learn English. Make up a book. Dinner. Listen to music. Collect motorcycle. Change site. Plow the land. To plant flowers. Clean the flat. Read a book. Walk. Dinner. Watch movie. Write a letter to parents. Draw. To knit. Build a model aircraft. Sleep.
2. Go to an orphanage, a baby home, a boarding school for the disabled and the elderly.
3. Take care of your body.
Start running in the morning, sign up for dancing, a fitness club, a pool, a massage.
Do something that is unusual for you, that is not in your daily routine. Soul and body are connected. If the soul suffers, you can help it by working first with the body.
4. Imagine that this is the last day of your life or the last minute.
A person who has a gun pointed to his head hardly thinks that life is not interesting. Awareness of our mortality helps us to appreciate life more and be aware of every moment.
5. Stop, give yourself a rest.
To relax. Meditate. Get out into nature. Meet the dawn. Sit by the fire, contemplating the fire. Watch the flowing water. Listen to yourself, your soul. Remember the good moments of your life, feel them again. Reread your success diary.
6. Find or remember your own.
Remember your dreams, scroll the tape into the past, find those moments when life pleased, lit, was filled with meaning, find out when changes occurred, when you deviated from your path, your destiny. Find out how it happened and why. Then come back to that point and change, rewrite the past.
After that, live in harmony with your own soul, check with it. The cure for depression is in our own soul.
7. Set yourself a high goal.
Create a crisis for yourself. Translated, the word "crisis" means "danger" or "chance". So create yourself a new chance to change, grow, climb a step higher. Get started! In the process, drive, interest, a taste for life will appear.
8. Learn the "art of small steps."
Got a big goal? Fine! So that it does not crush you, break it into stages, divide the stages into blocks, paint the blocks in steps. And go! Make!
9. Go outside and smile at everyone.
Make new friends. Recall forgotten friends, arrange a meeting with them. Be open to new contacts, suggestions and ideas, see opportunities and say “yes!” to them.
10. Laugh more.
Get started. Make a list and watch comedies, funny positive films every day. It works!
Smile, be happy, be happy and enjoy life!
Two things are needed to live and be happy.
First, LIVE, second, ENJOY...
My zest for life has returned to me. This feeling returned at the moment when I cooked the soup. I stood at the stove and stirred the contents of the pan and suddenly caught myself thinking that “how good and calm my soul is now.” It feels like a kid, sitting in a cafeteria with the door open and the voices of other kids coming from the park as you sit and slowly eat ice cream sprinkled with cocoa. (I don’t know what kind of ice cream makers you had, in our cafeteria there were iron ones, on a long leg).
I so wanted to feel this state of “delicacy”, and at the same time understand what happened, why should I feel this taste again? And in general, where and why did it disappear for a whole long, endlessly fussy year?
I began to listen to the sounds of the street, felt my body, felt the movement of my hand, my breathing. What peace I felt in my soul. What calmness and desire to sit down, stop completely and do nothing - just Be. I wanted to completely plunge into a state of bliss and some kind of childish bliss. This is a state of sweetness, a state of complete relaxation and serene peace.
I can not say that this is a feeling of happiness. After all, happiness is associated with something stormy, joyful and cheerful, with laughter and the fulfillment of desires. This is something else, rather calm, like a stream. It just exists, it is not in a hurry, it does not seethe and fuss, it does not have a splash and ebb, it does not have excessive emotions and violent activity. This is the state of something tasty, something that we savored then, in a children's ice cream parlor, and the taste of which we no longer remember in adulthood. I wanted to keep it as long as possible.
And like something long forgotten, dusty and unclaimed on the far shelf, the understanding came that here it is - LIFE. And how delicious it is for me to live now! Real ice cream with cocoa sprinkled on top. Well, you can still bite with juicy, red Victoria! It is here and now, when I feel my presence in this world with my whole body and I am not in a hurry to go anywhere, anywhere.
At that moment, I remembered that it is impossible to feel this state when we are running somewhere, meeting someone, constantly talking and arguing about something, striving for something and actively depicting violent activity. These are states of peace and bliss, these are states of peace of the soul, the realization that we will have time for everything, that everything will come by itself, at the right time and in the right place.
I called and canceled all meetings, all events and scheduled events. And you know what's most interesting? Firstly, everyone was sympathetic to my desire to relax. And secondly, the world outside the window did not collapse, but continued to exist in the same way. With only one difference - I again began to hear it, touch it, feel it, savor every moment and enjoy every moment.
A few days later, I remembered what I began to forget in the last year. I remembered and structured what allows us to live and enjoy what is happening to us, to feel not only a taste for life, but also saves energy (read how to restore energy in the article "How to restore a person's energy" . I remembered what makes it possible create, create and realize our aspirations, and most importantly, makes us softer, brighter, kinder and more attentive to our soul and our needs, to the situations that are happening and to the people around us.
Gratitude for life. Gratitude for any event, even the most difficult for us. Gratitude to those people with whom we share our path, and who share it with us, even if sometimes for a short period of time.
Why gratitude? I have already written a lot about this on the Solar Hands website, but I will repeat it again. Without gratitude, we will not only not feel the taste for life, without gratitude we can become embittered, offended, thinking that “everything is bad with me.” After all, when we do not think about what we can thank the Universe and the people around us for, we begin to think about the negative. We focus our thoughts on the bad, and pebble by pebble we hang this bad on our beads. And then we carry them with us with a huge, heavy weight. And there would be no stop, take them off and throw them away. No, we get so used to this state of heaviness, discontent and whining that we even cease to understand the causal relationship. Those. we continue to think that if not we ourselves change, but external life, some expected events occur, then only then will a feeling of joy and taste for life appear again.
But no, everything is exactly the opposite here. First, change your consciousness and worldview of yourself in this world. Start noticing, appreciating and collecting those pieces of happiness, some amazing coincidences, relationships with people that you already have in your life. Sometimes even despite the pain and loss of someone close and dear, despite some difficulties and difficulties. Do not focus on self-pity, do not accumulate pain in yourself. Try to emerge from the usual circle of worries and take a different look at yourself and your life.
Rest is rest. This does not mean that you have replaced one violent activity with another. Rest is inactivity. This is silence, peace, solitude with nature and with your soul. And you don’t need to deceive yourself and say that you don’t even have 5 minutes to rest, and even more so for a whole day of inactivity and peace. I will never believe it, because I used to deceive myself in this way, until life stopped me forcibly.
Therefore, now, despite the fact that I have a family, responsibilities, business, teaching, and so on, so on, so on, I periodically “take myself by the skin” and sit down at home or in a rest house for a couple of days. I don’t go to the computer, I communicate only with the people closest to me, and this is my family, I turn off the phone and just relax. I mostly sleep, walk in nature, listen to birds, admire the clouds, sometimes draw, and most importantly, give my brain a rest. I enjoy and think only about what is happening around. If it's birds singing, then just listen to it. If it is rain, then I absorb the smell, walk in the rain and enjoy some kind of universal peace in these moments. If it is snow, then I stop, look at the trees shrouded in snow, and plunge into some amazing state of fabulousness.
Remember in childhood the fairy tale "Morozko" and that fabulous, wonderful winter forest? It is precisely that fabulous state that I am trying to live anew already now, in adulthood. Or I sit in the park under the trees and just watch. I look at the world around, at the people passing by and enjoy the fact that now I am here, in this body, in this world, and after some time I will leave it, and only these memories, these sensations and feelings will remain in me. nothing else. Therefore, I admire, admire the trees, grass, the sky, the people around me with some kind of huge, childlike thirst to remember and keep all this in myself for as long as possible.
After rest. And after rest and gratitude comes an understanding of how much we sometimes take offense at the people around us and at life. And comes the understanding of the pettiness of these grievances and their insignificance. And also comes the desire to get rid of all this dirty, sticky and unpleasant. This is where you start to get rid of it. Forgive and let go. Eradicate from yourself the desire to be a victim, the desire to feel like a small offended child. And here is the paradox. The more you forgive and get rid of grievances, the more gratitude and appreciation appears to those people whom you were offended by two days ago. And at some point you just stop thinking about that person, thoughts about which sometimes gave you trouble for many years. Getting rid of resentment, there is such a great desire to stand up, straighten your shoulders, shake yourself, raise your head and open up to this world and new events. Getting rid of resentment, you begin to re-eat and enjoy what is happening around you, you begin to feel the taste for life with renewed vigor.
We open up to something new. It is impossible to open up to something new, to notice the signs of the Universe, some of its bells and knocks, if you are constantly in a hurry and in a hurry somewhere, if you do not have enough strength and energy and you do not feel interest in life. But it is our openness and receptivity to new events and changes that allows us to feel ourselves in this world in a new way.
From time to time, life “throws up” some new opportunities, prospects to each person, tries to direct him in one direction or another. But no, we were so run and tired, we were so immersed in thoughts and confidence that “themselves with a mustache and know better than Life how we should live”, which very often we do not notice:
- new people in our environment;
- new opportunities that were only dreamed of a few years ago;
- new prospects, albeit sometimes very unexpected and requiring from us at first a lot of effort and labor, but quite interesting and promising;
- and many, many more new and interesting things.
Without the new in our lives, stagnation, regression and aging sets in. But don't think that I'm talking about another new blouse bought on sale or a trip with friends to a new nightclub, or a new dish for dinner. I'm talking about those life turns that sometimes radically change both ourselves and our whole life. I am talking about some new offers and opportunities, about maintaining new acquaintances, if you understand that this is “your person”, that sometimes only our fears and self-doubt do not allow us to move on. Notice what life has been trying to tell you lately? Indeed, sometimes these are completely imperceptible, barely audible and almost invisible signs. Maybe someone's letter or some kind of proposal from your friend, uttered as if casually? Or already real problems in life that strongly tell you that it's time to change your worldview and think about what you need to change in your life.
Away with energizers, or the luxury of communication. Believe it or not, it was getting rid of energy gnawing and the emergence of new people in my environment that gave me some incredible burst of energy, and not only a taste for life, but also the whole variety of taste sensations. So to speak, the whole cocktail and all the colors of the world. But everything has its time, I'll start from the very beginning. I used to read a lot and heard that the social circle has a very strong influence on a person. And that if you want to become happy, successful, healthy, etc., then you need to communicate with just such people. But here’s what I never understood and couldn’t read anywhere, so it’s “Where can I get such people”?
Let's say I want to increase my income. And what, should I come or come to the owner of some large and successful company and tell him that they say let's communicate with me? This is some nonsense.
Or I want to be happy. How should I look for those who are already happy? Do I need to walk down the street with an eternal smile, constantly laughing and jumping up and down with stormy joy in order to attract happy people? Even more nonsense. I don’t know about attracting happy people, but people from a certain medical institution can definitely be interested in such behavior.
Etc. In general, having tried to follow approximately such recommendations, I realized that, in fact, I am not interested in those people with whom I would like to communicate and from whom I would like to learn from their experience. Therefore, I decided to solve these problems in a different way. And to begin with, I began to analyze my behavior with the people around me, and those people who settled in my life.
Someone just needed professional help from me, but purely "on a friendly basis", absolutely free of charge and without any thanks in the future.
Employees constantly messed up, made mistakes, received large salaries, but at the same time did not do what was asked of them. But I endured, forgave and believed that “someday” they would learn to work. And they, in fact, were not going to, unlike me, everything suited them.
Well, and so on. As they say, everyone has their own lessons, and until we understand them and overcome something inside ourselves, we will live with these lessons for years.
And I can't say that those people were somehow to blame. No, of course, they are what they are and I am grateful to them for a lot. But the fact that I myself attracted them into my life is already a diagnosis, which at some point I decided to get rid of. I'm just tired of attracting only energy gnawing into my life. And I decided to get rid of them, starting to get rid of my own feelings of guilt.
Since our article is not about how to work through guilt, read about it and get rid of energy vampires, I will only say the most important thing. To begin with, stop being a donor yourself, and those people who pumped your energy will become uncomfortable with you and they themselves, in some incomprehensible and natural way, will disappear from your life. As happened to me.
How much strength and energy, how many opportunities appeared after most of my surroundings seemed to have “dissolved” somewhere. And if I used to be afraid of this, I thought that I would be left alone and useless to anyone, but now I felt as if some kind of heavy weight had finally fallen off me. And my life lit up in a new way with colors, lights and a host of new opportunities. And at that moment, when I fully enjoyed the absence of a huge number of energy gnaws, in my life, again, in some magical and inexplicable way, completely different people appeared for me. Starting from friends and colleagues, ending with just good friends.
And these are exactly the people with whom I once dreamed of communicating for a long time. And communication with them gives me real pleasure, and leaves behind a surprisingly subtle and pleasant, sweet and delicate aftertaste. But don't forget the main thing. At first, you yourself must change, you must change your attitude towards yourself and your life, and only then will there be the luxury of communicating with those people whose views and life positions coincide with yours.
Probably enough for today. Even if you master two or three points from what I wrote to you above, you will already take a different look at your life and begin to enjoy its taste. I wish you success.
If you have any questions, you can get advice from the author of the article and books A. Guy. Conditions
Sincerely, Anastasia Guy
Stop and think: how are you feeling lately? Do you feel tired and lethargic? Can you concentrate with difficulty? Are you tired of everything? It may be a temporary emotional downturn, but what if it's the start of a depression? Then "home remedies" are not enough - you need to go to a specialist.
If you are not feeling well for no apparent reason, then you probably blame it on fatigue, stress, age-related changes, lingering back pain or migraines. We are all usually busy at home and at work, and it is not surprising that our health is at the very bottom of the urgent list. But is the busy schedule really to blame, or is it just an excuse that allows you to overlook the obvious? Women often associate the above symptoms with physical well-being, but in reality they are more related to the state of mind. Many patients go to a therapist complaining of chronic fatigue and back pain, and expect the doctor to prescribe medication and the condition will immediately improve. However, in many cases, the real cause of this condition is mild depression. And, if the therapist is not competent enough, most likely the disease will remain undetected. You may object: “But I don’t suffer from unreasonable longing, what does depression have to do with it?” But the reality is that depressed people don't always shed tears. The disease can manifest itself in different ways, and quite often at first glance its signs are almost invisible. Symptoms of depression can range from mild sadness to complete despair and severe apathy when you are unable to get out of bed. That is why it is very difficult to recognize the disease at an early stage.
In a recent American study, psychologists asked two groups of subjects to read two different stories about a woman. The first said that the heroine had recently been desperately sad, the second - that she was no longer pleased with what used to bring pleasure: she no longer wants to go to the cinema, read books, or walk with children. When psychologists asked the question “What is wrong with this woman?”, More than half of the participants in the first group suggested that the heroine had depression. They identified - sadness and depression. However, among those who read the second story, fewer than l/3 of the participants understood that the woman had forgotten how to enjoy life because of her depression. There are no official statistics on depression in Russia, but psychologists are sure that there are more and more women who suffer from this disease. After all, it is women who have to combine so many roles and cope with so many tasks that the load becomes almost unbearable. Add to this the uncertainty about the future, disasters and crime stories that dominate the news, and the picture becomes completely clear. The difficulty is that depression does not appear instantly, like appendicitis. It can develop gradually, over several months or even years, and as a result, a pessimistic view of the world can simply become a habit. The most important thing in such a situation is to realize what is happening to you, and not to hide your head in the sand, but to begin active actions.
Allow yourself to be sad. We all go through certain moments hard, whether it is the unexpected death of loved ones, moving from the home of adult children, or attempts to come to terms with the inevitable age-related changes. Regardless of what caused your negative emotions, allow yourself to experience them. There is no good in pretending that everything is in order and life goes on as before, when all you want is to have a good cry or pour out your soul to a close friend. Don't confuse urgent with important. Psychologist's advice: if you're sad, start doing something nice for yourself every day, at least a little.
Ask for help - this is not at all a recognized weakness. Although many celebrities now openly admit that they have experienced periods of depression, for many of us this topic is still taboo. According to statistics, two-thirds of women suffering from depression do not see a doctor because they find it embarrassing. Moreover, half of them do not dare to speak frankly even with friends and relatives. One of the reasons why we hesitate to see a doctor is that depression cannot be diagnosed on a physical level. There is no such analysis that will unequivocally show: yes, you have a serious illness called depression. Here we are dealing with a state of mind. And many believe that they themselves are to blame for their condition: they were too weak to cope with real life. But the help of a psychologist, medication, or a combination of both can significantly improve your condition. And Realizing that you need professional help is one of the most courageous things you can do.
Don't ask too much of yourself. Given the pressure of stereotypical ideas that a woman should be an excellent professional, a good mother and an ideal wife, it is not surprising that women are more likely to become victims of perfectionism. But who said your life has to be perfect? It is enough that she is good for you. If you are ready to turn inside out to impress others, stop and think: why are you doing this? If you can save time and effort, do so. High standards will make you unhappy, because constantly giving 100% is very tiring. Determine your priorities. What is truly important to you is really worth the maximum effort, for the rest, 60% is enough.
Expert opinion
Natalia Rivkina, a psychotherapist at the European Medical Center, answers the questions of "DO"
DO: What is the fundamental difference between depression and a bad mood, a feeling of melancholy?
NR: It's not uncommon in everyday life to hear, "I'm so upset! I'm depressed." This refers to a bad mood that arose for various reasons, even minor ones. However, only a set of symptoms indicates depression. Indeed, first of all, it is a lowered mood. But the mood, reduced for a long time (more than two weeks), when external circumstances (a pleasant meeting, joyful events) cannot change it. Sometimes a person may experience unreasonable anxiety, concern for loved ones, for their health. Depression is always accompanied by a decrease in working capacity, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating. The most familiar, everyday things seem unbearable, complex, difficult to accomplish. It can be very difficult to take on simple household chores or finish what you started. Even the most insignificant efforts quickly lead to fatigue, a feeling that "there is no strength to raise a hand." Irritability appears, often for trifling reasons. Disappear interest in the environment (work, favorite activities) and a sense of pleasure. The future is seen in gloomy colors - unpromising, bleak. Another manifestation of depressive disorders is sleep disturbances. Night sleep becomes superficial, intermittent, with early (2-3 hours earlier than usual) awakenings. The most dangerous symptom of depression is suicidal thoughts. Thoughts that, in the most severe cases of depression, can lead to concrete action. It can be difficult for others to understand that the patient cannot control the symptoms of depression, get rid of them by willpower. Sometimes you have to hear: “Just think, I have depression too. But I force myself to get over the blues.” The truth is, we can “handle” our bad moods. Good music, delicious food, a funny movie - and life is getting better. But depression is a disease that requires special, often drug treatment. And it is impossible to get rid of it by simple persuasion or self-hypnosis.
DO: What types of examinations allow you to make an accurate diagnosis?
NR: The main method that allows you to accurately diagnose depression is a clinical conversation with a psychiatrist. It must be remembered that a psychiatric interview is an accurate diagnostic tool only in the hands of a specialist. This diagnosis cannot be established by a psychologist, social worker, doctors of other specialties. Undoubtedly, they can assume the presence of depression and recommend a visit to a psychiatrist. But the final diagnosis, as well as the choice of treatment strategy, remains with a specialist in the treatment of mental disorders. For a reliable diagnosis, a psychiatrist must identify at least four symptoms of depression, assess the time of their onset, severity, severity, connection with external events, and only on the basis of this suggest the necessary treatment. Auxiliary methods of examination can be specially designed questionnaires. Testing can also serve as a self-assessment method that will prompt you to consult a specialist.
DO: What forms and types of depression are more common and how can they be distinguished?
HP: Clinical depression requiring treatment can be divided into two types: reactive and endogenous. Reactive depression occurs as a reaction to a traumatic event immediately or shortly after the event. A person's experiences are related to what happened, and the severity corresponds to the severity of what happened, for example, the loss of loved ones. Endogenous depression, if it occurs against the background of “troubles”, significantly exceeds them in terms of the severity of experiences. Such states exist for a long time, often persisting, even when events have long lost their relevance. Endogenous depression occurs when there is a lack of serotonin in the intercellular space. It is serotonin that is responsible for the transmission of impulses in the centers that determine our mood, and its lack can lead to a "breakdown" of the regulatory system and the development of symptoms of depression. The nature of depression is essential for the choice of treatment tactics.
DO: What types of depression require mandatory drug therapy, and which ones can be managed without drugs, for example, only by methods of psycho- or physiotherapy, etc.?
HP: Endogenous depression always requires drug treatment. Its very nature implies the need to influence the neurobiological processes of the brain. And antidepressants can quickly and effectively help to solve this problem. Only psychotherapy or manual therapy for this type of depression can bring temporary relief. In the case of reactive depression, the decision to prescribe medications is made by the doctor on a case-by-case basis. This depends on both the severity of the events and the severity of the symptoms of depression. Inability to cope with usual activities, increasing isolation, isolation, sleep disturbances, for example, require drug therapy. In the most severe cases, for example, when suicidal thoughts appear, hospitalization in a psychiatric clinic is necessary.
DO: What are the most modern and effective treatments for depression?
NR: Over the past decade, there have been no fundamentally new treatments for depression. Now psychopharmacotherapy is rapidly developing. But first of all, modern developments are aimed at minimizing the side effects of treatment in order to make it comfortable and easily tolerated. The most effective method of treatment is considered to be an integrated approach that combines drug treatment and psychotherapy. Rehabilitation programs for depressive disorders have now been developed, including massage, reflexology, and special gymnastics, as well as work with families of patients.
DO: Now there are a lot of private psychological help centers that employ people who have completed certain courses. How to determine that a doctor (and is a doctor?) Sufficiently qualified?
HP: The main way to determine the qualifications of a specialist is to look at his documents. Only a certified psychiatrist has the right to prescribe medication. A clinical psychologist can diagnose by testing, as well as give psychological advice. Psychotherapy can be carried out by a professional psychotherapist. In Russia, only specialists with higher medical education can officially do this. If you have applied to a little-known private treatment center or a private doctor, do not hesitate to ask him to provide you with a license and educational documents. It's about your health!