They say that visitors to Rio de Janeiro are surprised why, given such crazy speeds of local taxi drivers, relatively few accidents occur here.
“It’s not surprising,” explained one taxi driver, “all the bad drivers have already died in car accidents.”
About the talkativeness of taxi drivers. I once used Uber. Among the reviews of previous clients about the driver was: “an excellent conversationalist.” So here it is. During the entire trip, with the exception of greetings and farewells, he did not utter a word... So what? That's right, "wonderful companion"!
Sorry,” I say to the driver Andrey. - Is this your fly, or can I release it?
“Leave it if it doesn’t bother you,” the taxi driver immediately turns on. - This is Anatoly, he needs to go to Pulkovo.
I'm late for the train, so I called a taxi. On the way, a call from the dispatcher: “Take people away from the kindergarten, my joy!” The taxi driver, spreading a smile: “Okay, which kindergarten should I pick it up from?” Dispatcher (irritated): “MY JOY!”
From the phrase “Where are you going?” The taxi driver even starts having sex.
As for the story that Putin acted as a taxi driver when Sobchak lost the elections, I was just coming to St. Petersburg on a business trip. I think it was he who gave me a lift from the airport. He is such a reasonable guy, like all taxi drivers - there is a mess all around, where is the country heading, when will all this end, and so on. I said to him: we need to take power, that’s the saying I had back then. Who would have known...
About taxi. I bring the man to the clinic, he was late for his appointment. He can’t find the money, there are a lot of pockets on the jacket and on the bag, he opened and closed everything several times, he says it was 1000, but he can’t find it. He scrapes up some change, 20 rubles is missing. I give him my mobile bank and leave, he promises to transfer 20 rubles in the near future. In the evening I find 1000 on the floor in the car. I have feedback from the client through dispatchers. I call the guy, but he doesn’t pick up because he still hasn’t transferred 20 rubles.
I was going to the airport by taxi, the taxi driver said that a nuclear war would start soon, and he had already purchased 100 gas masks, would sell them and earn a million from it.
“I’m just wondering what exactly you need to ask the taxi driver for him to suddenly say something like that.”
Do you think that today credit cards are reliable and no one will write off a penny without your consent?
No matter how it is!
Today I find out that the GETT taxi charged 147 rubles on my PSB card on October 25! And I can’t sleep or even feel the spirit! And neither the bank nor GETT sent any SMS to my phone. I did not provide any confirmation for this write-off. How is this possible? Or perhaps, because there are a number of security holes, starting with the lack of notification, direct debiting and ending with the fact that other people’s cards of third parties can be recorded in GETT accounts.
And now the story itself. Short.
My friend Natalya and I rode in a GETT taxi on July 17, 2018 and paid 366 rubles for our trip from my PSB credit card. Well, I paid, so I paid. Happens. I haven’t gone anywhere with Natalya for a long time, we don’t get along with each other, but that’s another story.
However, I did not take into account all the impudence of the GETT company: they linked my card to Natalya’s account and now they can write off any money from my card. And without my knowledge or participation. This is what happened on October 25th. What to do? Super-secure cards showed their vulnerability in all its glory! Are we switching back to cash?
Where do you work?
- In Yandex.
- Taxi driver, that means...
FIRST DAY OF A TAXI DRIVER
At the end of the 90s of the last century, I came to New York, entered taxi driver school, passed the exams, and received a “hack-licence” - a license to drive a yellow cab. And here is the first working day. Of course I'm nervous. I know two words in English, I understand - through one, I don’t know the city, there are no traces of any navigators yet. Old taxi drivers give advice: don’t drink coffee, because it’s a diuretic. Look for clients in Uptown, from there they usually go to Downtown. Leave for your shift early.
I leave the garage at 4 am, it’s not even dawn yet. I was driving down Park Avenue and suddenly at the intersection of 47th Street I saw a man on the corner with his hand raised. Client! I brake. I sit and wait, he doesn’t come. I am waiting. Nobody here. Do I really think someone else took it? No, there were no other cars, I was alone. Maybe he needs help? I'm leaving. I see that this is not a client - this is a monument.
I can’t count how many kind words I said to him that morning, but now, of course, I’m smiling. In 2015, he was removed from there. Now, they say, aspiring London taxi drivers are swearing at him.
I work in a taxi. The client got into the car.
Me: Please buckle up.
K: What? Traffic police ahead?
Me: What does the traffic police have to do with it? This is for your safety.
K: What are you, a bad driver?! I won't go with you!
I got out of the car and canceled the order.
Yesterday at work. In the morning, a sad voice calls, not yet completely sober, asking for a car. I see that on the night from Friday to Saturday I already went to some club. In the "client" column it says "Batman". Well, screw it, let me clarify:
- Order for the name Batman?
The dude is very embarrassed:
- No, Yuri.
I, automatically:
- Oh, I understand. During the day you are Yuri.
Corrected "Batman" to "Yuri Wayne".
not mine
Today I was driving with a taxi driver and he complained to me that he had lost his savings on deposits in cryptocurrencies.
They say I invested at 18, and when it dropped to 11, my nerves could not stand it and I sold everything, losing most of my savings.
I told him a story about Joseph Kennedy, who was a very famous stock exchange player and the father of US President John F. Kennedy.
One day Joseph was standing and waiting for the shoe shine boy to shine his shoes. He promised him wise advice if he did his job well. When the shoes were polished to a shine, the pleased Joseph fulfilled his promise and gave the boy the wise advice “Don’t quit school.” The boy, in response, also decided to give Joseph wise advice and told him about the shares of one company, which had tripled in the last week and advised him to buy them immediately.
He went on to say that many of the clients to whom he advises positions have already become rich. Joseph thanked the boy and gave him a generous tip.
Arriving at the office, he immediately called his broker and gave him an immediate order. But do not buy the shares that the boy advised, but immediately close all positions on all shares and exit the market.
Two weeks later there was a massive financial crisis and the entire market collapsed.
Surprised by Joseph's insight, the broker called him and asked what the secret was, how did he find out about the bubble in the market?
“It was easy to see that it was a bubble when the shoeshine boy gave out financial advice and people followed it,” Joseph replied.
------
The taxi driver agreed that history was repeating itself after more than 50 years.
He bought cryptocurrencies on the advice of another taxi driver.
Cold, snow, icy conditions, Winter!
I vote, I catch a leftist cab driver. As we drive, I smell urine in the cabin. I ask if he knows about this.
I know, I said, I was picking up two women in the morning, I didn’t take the turn right, it spun three times. So one was screaming like crazy, and the second was silent, probably writing.
I spoke on Skype with my sister living in Moscow, she told me her yesterday morning conversation with a taxi driver whose services she has been using for the last few years. The driver, a thirty-year-old guy, is called Vadim, a joker and optimist to look for, always friendly and smiling, and then he arrived as if replaced - gloomy and sad... In her words...
“What happened, Vadim?” I ask as an old friend.
“Burn everything with a blue flame, I’m baked…” answers Vadim. I need to change my life, look for a new job, I’ve seen enough of all kinds of “steering wheels” for eight years, but yesterday’s client in the general competition of scumbags has gone far ahead of the leaders of the race... the winner his mother...
The night before, I drive up to the address, park right in front of the entrance, and at the same moment a client comes out - a big guy, a bottle of cognac in one hand, a woman in the other...
When I saw this couple, I immediately realized that I needed to get away as quickly as possible, but before I had time, this bastard felt that I was about to press the gas, threw the bottle away, grabbed the barrel from my pocket and threatening them said: “Don’t panic, boss, I won’t hurt you with money.” ..." With these words, he opens the doors and with his woman they sit in the back seats. In general, I was seriously scared, the gun may be a toy, but who wants to check...
I ask Vadim, “What was so strange that you saw in this couple coming out of the entrance, like a drunk man with a bottle and a woman - nothing unusual in our latitudes?”
-Strange and unusual...? So she, his woman... is rubber or silicone, from a sex shop in short... Apparently an expensive exclusive model, she looks almost alive...
I said that I was scared of the gun, because flowers and berries started to appear when this sad-headed man began to talk to her in two voices, he means he will tell her a joke and in response he laughs on her behalf and squeaky calls himself a naughty boy and a beanie, but how he will laugh... so his type of “female” booming, chesty laugh really gives me chills...
They drove around the city for two hours, he showed her the sights, told her stories, entertained her as best he could, apparently she really liked it, but it didn’t seem like much, they asked the two of us to take them to the Leningradsky station, from there they were going to take the Sapsan to St. Petersburg, to the delight of the locals... However, the sweet couple paid, even threw it on top, but well, keep them away with their tip, when I remember his glass eyes, it gives me a shiver...
My sister says that by the end of the story she couldn’t stand it, she laughed, imagining a loving couple cooing tenderly in a taxi, it was so funny that she couldn’t stop. Vadim seemed offended at first, but then the couple began discussing the advantages of living with a doll and decided that the man wasn’t so crazy, there are enough advantages... Then they laughed together, having laughed off Vadim again complained about the hard and unprepossessing life of Moscow taxi drivers, but said that until he found a better job, he would still wander around in search of adventure...
Called Uber today. He arrives and sits down.
The driver asks:
- Does the music bother you?
“No,” I say.
“Well, ok,” he answered.
And he lit a cigarette.
A couple of years ago I flew to Italy for the annual auto show. It takes them about forty minutes from Rome. Several huge pavilions, gorgeous car models, no less gorgeous female models, I walked around there all day, staring. And in the evening I returned to the city by taxi and got into conversation with the driver. A man of about forty, all Italian, tanned, talkative, noisy. When I found out that I was from Russia, I was very surprised, what am I doing here? I explained that I just love Italian cars. He was extremely happy about this; it turned out that he was an Alfa Romeo fan, and when I said that he himself had them and one of them was the 156th, he even began to cry. He completely abandoned the steering wheel (we were driving for more than a hundred), turned completely back to me and shook my hand with both hands (!).
In a word, a real Italian. But, I must say, he is quite intelligent and well versed in many things.
He and I discussed everything we could: Russian winter, Italian opera, both of our cuisines, both of our mafias, Russian literature, Italian cinema. And all this to the accompaniment of his waving of his arms and “Mamma Mia!” with "belissimo!"
Then we got to politics, discussed the love of the Italians for strikes, our, naturally, the Darkest, the Brussels bureaucratic rats and reached Berlusconi. And then I, anticipating an expressive answer in advance, ask how he feels about the rumors about his famous affairs with young women.
But, to my great surprise, my interlocutor’s reaction was completely calm. He just shrugged his shoulders and said that it was absolutely none of his business. More precisely, this is a personal matter for Signor Berlusconi himself. Perhaps this is another matter for Signora Berlusconi, he added, after thinking a little, and moved on to discussing the girls from the car exhibition.
That is, like this, like this. As soon as it gets personal, it’s none of my business and that’s it. I even felt a little embarrassed that I asked.
And now, when the entire Internet is littered with yet another news, such as Zemfira’s Swedish wedding, I remember this Italian taxi driver.
In some ways he is right about “none of my business.” What difference does it make to anyone? Yes, let them do what they want, as long as they don’t steal, as they say...
I’m driving home in a taxi, I see my husband coming from the bus stop. I ask the taxi driver to slow down near that guy. The taxi driver slows down, lowers the window and shouts: “Handsome guy, I don’t have a husband at home, let’s go to my place and let’s have some fun!” The husband smiles and gets into the car. We drive in silence. The taxi driver is shocked.
I caught a taxi on Leninsky Prospekt at noon when the ambient temperature was +32 degrees. The taxi driver complained that the stove in his car was broken.
In response to my remark in the spirit that today the absence of a stove in the car is unlikely to spoil the impression of the trip, he sighed sadly: “Bitch, it won’t turn off.”
Almost died.
Hello, taxi? Do you transport to the capital of Kazakhstan?
- Sorry, no, too far. Can you imagine where we are and where Astana is?
- Yeah, thank you... As-ta-na... six letters... Fits!
A sensational discovery by British scientists: for the last ten years, Moscow traffic jams have been caused exclusively by taxi drivers. The proof is irrefutable: they benefit no one but them.
Yesterday the city's fifth taxi fleet transported its millionth passenger. After presenting the hero of the day with a memorable gift, it turned out that the lucky one was late for the plane because of this.
I get into a taxi, fasten my seat belt, the driver says - don’t fasten your seat belt, my son-in-law is a traffic cop... I answer - you’ll get hit by a Volga that has taken off from the oncoming lane (it’s just that the Volga was passing by), it’s good for you, you’ll crack on the steering wheel and die quickly, but Break the glass with my head, fly out the window, roll down the road - I don’t want to! He thought and thought, and buckled up...
Today I decided to indulge. A couple calls a taxi and we go to a large hypermarket to buy groceries. On the way back, they apparently decided not to pay - they suddenly jumped out at a traffic light and ran. I wasn’t particularly upset: after all, in the trunk there were two huge bags of groceries for a couple of weeks. Lucky guy :))
Conversation in a taxi on the way to the airport.
The passenger thinks out loud:
- Bad weather... The main thing is to fly away... and not to delay...
Driver:
- Come on, it’s not scary to take off.
- (in an offended voice) I’m talking about not delaying the flight!..
I'm taking a taxi now. The driver crosses himself at every church, but still doesn’t dare to buckle up.
While passing through New York, Stravinsky took a taxi and was surprised to read his name on the sign.
-Are you a relative of the composer? - he asked the driver.
- Is there a composer with such a surname? - the driver was surprised. - Hear it for the first time. Stravinsky is the name of the taxi owner. I have nothing to do with music. My last name is Puccini.
The very first car dry toilets were invented by Moscow taxi drivers in the early 70s of the last century. Taxi companies have just begun to receive new comfortable GAZ-24 cars of the Volga system. Due to the fact that the gear shift lever was located on the floor, the Volga GAZ - 24 immediately met the needs of professional drivers, who had previously been forced to travel to remote areas as needed. And then it turned out that there was no need to get out of the car! The taxi driver took a gas mask hose from the civil defense office and carried it with him all the time. When necessary, the driver inserted one end of the hose through the hole under the lever in the floor (having previously rolled up the leatherette casing), and put the other on his device. The simplicity and efficiency of such a toilet made it possible to use it on the go and even unnoticed by passengers. And since something was constantly flowing from the Volga: water, antifreeze, oil, brake fluid and even gasoline, none of the strangers paid attention to such a trifle as draining urine.
Taxi drivers are real taxi drivers...
In general, I stayed with the client. In half an hour I’m meeting with another client, and I’m in the middle of nowhere where the bus runs once a century, and then if there’s a parade of planets...
Well, I called my boss, but I can’t get there.
Bosses: catch a taxi, even if it’s not on the way, pay any money, the client is wealthy, we’ll break down these costs in the estimate, let’s say that the equipment has risen in price a little.
It’s easy to say catch... in the middle of the day in a holiday village... everyone has either already left or is already resting. And then it drives, honestly, there’s a complete zero in cars, but if the car is big, beautiful, and everything shines like it just came out of the car wash, then it’s clearly not a bomb at the wheel either.
There is nothing to do, I almost run out under the wheels, boss, time is running out, I really need to get to the Kluzhskaya metro station. And I’m already pushing a thousand, as if hinting that this thousand is for him (although there’s a maximum of 400 rubles), maybe he’ll agree.
At first they looked at me like I was an idiot, and then they figured something out - sit down, I’m on my way anyway.
I sat down, sitting like a mouse, huddled in the corner of the seat, basically pretending to be a bag of groceries...
We arrived, I handed him the money, he waved me off, I was already on my way.
I - take it, I don’t feel sorry, I’m late for an important meeting. The client will then compensate me for this thousand, we will include transport costs in his estimate :-).
I gave it away (put it on the dashboard) and ran out of the car. I ran to the entrance of the facility, and so and so - they should be waiting for me here.
And then a voice from behind - skip it, it’s coming to me.
As you may have guessed, the same guy who gave me a lift...
I almost swallowed my tongue and the most I could say was hello... again.
We passed the checkpoint, went up to the 2nd floor and in front of his office he stopped and handed me my thousand.
???
Take it, I’m of course pleased that YOU don’t mind any of OUR money, but I’m too lazy to re-coordinate the estimate)
The profession of a taxi driver is no end for coming up with all sorts of jokes and aphorisms. This is what our Russian folk writers (and not only Russians) do. And the jokes are simply amazing. And if you consider that the lion’s share of all invented jokes about taxi drivers are taken from life, this makes them even more interesting. Let's together “skim the foam” from the funniest and most common ones.
About the profession of “taxi driver” and why it is so in demand among jokers
There are a huge number of people in taxis every day. And you can’t see enough types in them! In any way. Plus taxi drivers themselves are a dime a dozen. It’s clear that with such cross-country ability and a huge fleet of cars, there should be a whole lot of jokes about taxi drivers. There are a lot of jokes about their impudence on the road alone. In addition, taxi drivers themselves are very talkative people. And if the tales and incidents from taxi driver life are not spread by the taxi drivers themselves, then a huge number of them are folded and filmed by the same passengers.
Jokes from the life of taxi drivers
Such jokes about taxi drivers are a dime a dozen, it’s impossible to list them all. You can publish a whole series of volumes, although it still probably won’t fit into any library.
When boarding, he offers the passenger candy. He refuses. The taxi driver nods and says:
Well done for refusing. And then there was this case, one taxi driver stuffed everyone with candies with clonidine filling, and then robbed everyone and threw them out on the street. Straight into the cold. Three froze to death...
The further journey took place in deathly silence.
The driver of the taxi is a native of the Caucasus. On the way, a black man slows down the car. The taxi driver turns to the passenger and says:
Shall we throw in some smoked food?
“It doesn’t matter to me,” the passenger answers.
The taxi driver stops, and the black man says through the driver’s window:
Countryman, can you take me to the nearest metro station?
The couple stops a taxi, and the man asks the driver:
How far is it to the market?
Stolnik.
What if it’s with your wife?
Stolnik.
The man turns to the woman and says:
That's it, you fool, you're not worth a damn!
There's a couple riding in the back seat of a taxi - some businessman with a prostitute he just picked up. On the way, he tries to calculate the payment on a calculator and, having conjured some magic on the smartphone display, says:
In short, three minutes is enough for me to do everything, so it turns out I owe you fifty dollars.
The prostitute indignantly:
What? Our minimum wage is an hour, so drive a thousand and that’s it!
And why should I give you this thing for so much?
Why so! You can use it for an hour!
I told you that it only takes me three minutes to do this. What to do for the rest of the hour?
Lets talk…
He goes back to the calculator, and then indignantly:
Geez, talk! Like international roaming!
Jokes about taxi drivers
There are a lot of them too. Let's try to select a couple of the most topical taxi drivers of all times.
The Chukchi gets into a taxi, gives the address, and the car starts moving. To break the awkward silence, the Chukchi pats himself on the chest and says:
Chukchi - hunter!
The driver grins and answers:
I'm a hunter too!
And he taps on the steering wheel, hinting that he is a money hunter.
While talking, the taxi driver at the last moment notices an old woman crossing the road. He barely turned around, passing the old woman, but, looking in the rearview mirror, he noticed with surprise and horror that for some reason the old woman was lying in the middle of the road. But he could have sworn that he drove around a woman! And then the Chukchi speaks from the passenger seat:
Uh-oh! Your bad hunter! If my door hadn’t opened, grandma would have gone to the taiga!
A man hails a taxi and gets in. The driver asks:
Where are you going?
What other boas? I don’t need any boa constrictors!
I say, where do you need to go?
Well, if you urgently need to see the boa constrictors, then let’s go to the boa constrictors first...
Forgetful taxi drivers
It happens that taxi drivers sometimes actually lose their clients along the way. Today, a joke about a taxi driver who forgot a passenger somewhere on the way to Kazan is gaining a good popularity rating (316 thousand views). Let's watch it together and laugh.
Yeah. Driving 10 km and discovering the loss of a client for the driver must have been very interesting!
Taxi drivers and GPS navigators
Taxi drivers are great friends with navigators and use them perfectly. But despite this, a joke about a navigator and a Caucasian taxi driver who incorrectly pronounces the final destination is gaining extraordinary popularity (27 thousand views). Let's get a look.
It is clear that the scene is staged, but it was well conceived, and you can laugh quite a bit. Let us reassure those who are planning to take a taxi - you have absolutely nothing to fear. In fact, all taxi drivers know their job very well, they can navigate any city perfectly even without navigators. And along the way, they will definitely tell you a couple of new jokes. It's in their blood.
A mother and her little boy return home late at night by taxi. From the window, a boy sees women standing on the side of the road. Asks mom:
- What kind of aunts are they standing there?
Mom, embarrassed, answers him:
- These aunties were also visiting, waiting for their husbands to come for them.
The taxi driver suddenly intervenes:
- Why are you deceiving the child? Let the boy know the truth! They're prostitutes, boy!
The boy asks:
- Mom, do prostitutes have children?
Mother:
- Yes, son.
- What are they doing alone so late now?
- They work as taxi drivers!
The blonde calls a taxi:
- Hello, is this a taxi? I've been waiting for your ORANGE-colored car for half an hour already!
Operator:
- Girl, a BLUE OPEL has been waiting for you in the yard for half an hour...
Three stages of a woman's intoxication
1. Oh, how drunk I am...
2. Who is drunk? Am I drunk???
3. To the taxi driver’s question “Where are we going?” hit him over the head with your purse and say: “It’s none of your business, you bastard!”
The Russian State Traffic Safety Inspectorate appealed to the Federal Antimonopoly Service of the Russian Federation with a complaint against the All-Russian Society of Motorists. The essence of the complaint was that the SAI’s call: “If you’ve had a drink, call a taxi so that the driver, not the traffic cop, will earn money,” has all the signs of unfair competition, and a comparison of the tariffs of taxi drivers and traffic cops is generally an obvious dumping in favor of taxi drivers.
Odessa taxi. The driver is driving desperately. Sarah reprimands him:
- Driver, could you please drive more carefully? I have 8 children waiting for me at home!
- Ha! And you tell me to be careful?
Georgian writes a letter home:
- Mom, I study at the institute. Everyone goes to classes on the bus, I’m the only one in a taxi.
The mother writes to her son the answer:
- Son, why stand out? Buy a bus and drive like everyone else.
Sarah complains to Abram:
- Abram, can you imagine, I made a mistake today!
- Sarah! Who is this Mach??!! I know him??!! Where is he, tell me!! I'll go and punch him in the face!!!
- No, you don’t understand! I got into a taxi, drove two blocks, and when I paid, I gave 100 rubles and got out, but forgot to take the change - so it turns out that I made a mistake!
Abram, sighing in disappointment:
- Oh, Sarah, it would be better if you gave Mach!..
I got ready for work and called a taxi. While I was waiting I fell asleep. I wake up, and I’ve already been asleep for an hour... I call a taxi:
- Girl, I called a taxi an hour ago and fell asleep, send me a car again.
- Ok, wait for the call.
Calls back, laughs:
- You have the same car, get out. While the driver was waiting for you, he also fell asleep!
A mediocre businessman has hired a prostitute and goes with her in a taxi to a hotel, discussing prices for services along the way:
- 1000 rubles per hour.
A businessman calculates on a calculator:
- I need 3 minutes for everything, so in total I owe you 50 rubles.
- No, no, we have a minimum wage per hour.
- But I only need 3 minutes, what will I do with the rest of the paid time?
- Well, at least let's talk.
The businessman, again calculating on the calculator:
- Nevermind, what, am I going to talk to you long-distance???
The passenger asks the taxi driver:
- Please stop at that green UAZ.
Taxi driver:
- The UAZ is driving away to catch up?
Pages: 1
INSTRUCTIONS IN THE TAXI INTERIOR.
They don’t feed a taxi driver with fables!
“Thank you very much” makes my wheels go flat.
“Thank you” cannot be spread on bread.
Thank you, it doesn't gurgle.
Carrying for free is a bad omen.
Petty people pay with little things.
Ten minutes of fear and you're home. The attraction costs 10 lats.
Bananas and seeds are eaten with the peel.
There are 100 horses and one donkey working here.
Smoking is not only a vice, but also a great disgrace.
Don't smoke in a taxi, you'll become a pig.
Light a cigarette myself, treat the driver.
Happy people don't smoke!
He who pays drinks champagne!
Tipping prolongs life!
A passenger without money is like an animal.
Free, sober and without money!
All hares and cops are goats!
There is no “end” to the house.
Those who are not with us are on foot. "Taxi driver"
The price of an inexpensive taxi is life!
Taxi driver is a heroic profession!
Don’t teach me how to live, help me financially!
Once you pay, you'll get there!
Do not offer sex without money!
Polite people don't ask for change!
Nothing inspires confidence like prepayment.
Sit down, buckle up and shut up!
Buckle up and pray!
I’ll deliver the body, I can’t vouch for the soul!
Don't beg for change!
It's better to be home at six than half past five in the morgue!
It's not a shame to be poor, it's a shame to be cheap!
Taxi Fare Preserves Your Teeth Better Than BLEND -A- MED!
May you get there as much as you paid for!
In case of an accident, do not cry!
In an accident, break the glass with your head!
Close the door mentally, not from the heart!
If you slam the door, you will die from the tire iron!
What life is, so is the car.
Don't enter without money!
The nicest words for the driver: No change needed.
Payment for travel is considered verbal gratitude!
Do not touch anything with your hands, place your feet on the mat.
Do not drink beer in the lounge! The driver is choking on his saliva!
"If your time is worthless, others' time is
can be priceless."
Don't put the responsibility on the driver to find your change: he is not a banker.
but perhaps not in the ears of the taxi driver.”
If you throw something out of a car window,
don’t forget to grunt three times after this.
The soul sings when it bites!
List of persons entitled to free taxi travel:
— children up to 7 kg;
— matrix agents (upon presentation of identification);
— Nobel Prize laureates;
— veterans of the Battle of the Ice;
— participants in the Battle of Kulikovo;
- Tom Cruise;
Additional services provided by the taxi driver:
- honk once - 1 lat;
- honk twice - 2 lats;
— answer to the question — 2 lats;
- answer to a stupid question - 3 lats;
— clap your hands — 4 lats;
- shout: - “A-a-a” - 50 lats;
- let me steer - 500 lats;
- let me beep - 0.50 san.
- put on my CD - 0.50 san.
— drinking alcoholic beverages in a taxi — 1 lat per person.
— drunk/sober rowdy in the cabin — 10 lats.
- take to the door - 1st floor 2 lats.
— call — hello to the wife (husband) driver — 3 lats.
— sex in a salon (without a driver) — 50 lats.
— sex in the salon with a driver (only for women) - 20 lats.
Additional rates:
- boss drive - 3 lats;
— okay, let’s slip through — 5 lats;
- 15 minutes to the plane - 10 lats;
- take me somewhere - 20 lats;
TAXI COST:
— Faster — 2 lats
— Standing — 3 lats
— Lying down — 5 lats
— Run nearby — 10 lats
— Sitting on the driver’s lap — 50 lats.
REMINDER TO THE DRIVER FROM THE TRAFFIC POLICE. Additions to traffic rules:
* The driver must remember that by leaving the garage, he has already created an emergency situation.
* The driver must remember that on the road he is the weak link.
* The driver must remember that he is a financially obligated person.
* The driver must carry money for the traffic police officer at a speed of at least 60 km/h.
* Seeing a car with flashing lights behind him, the driver must push the car to the right, stop, get out of the car and lie face down on the asphalt, holding out an unmarked hundred dollar bill in his right hand and repeating “I’m sorry, I’ll correct myself” and not raise his head until the sound of the car driving away has died down. cars.
* If the traffic police officer did not stop the driver, the driver must stop himself and ask what happened, why they didn’t stop him?
* Having noticed the traffic police inspector, the driver must himself, without reminders, break any rule, exceed the speed, turn where it is prohibited, etc.
* After getting out of the car, the driver must approach the traffic police inspector with a clear marching step, put his hand on his wallet and report (example): “Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich. 4 years of experience. Speed limit violation. From 100 to 500 dollars.”
* The driver must have sandwiches, a thermos with hot tea and a change of warm underwear in case the traffic police officer who stopped him is cold and hungry.
* The driver should not know the rules of the road better than the traffic police inspector.
* If the traffic police officer has nothing to complain about, the driver must take out a flask and drink cognac, and then pay according to the price list.
* Distracting the traffic police inspector during the money count is STRICTLY PROHIBITED!!!
* In exceptional cases, it is allowed to pay the fine with earrings, rings and other jewelry made of precious stones. metals
* If there are two or more traffic police officers, the fine is doubled or more. In this case, the driver should not put traffic police officers in an awkward position by handing over one bill to everyone. Inspectors are not required to look for where to change money!
* A driver can be released if he brings three or more traffic violations to the inspector.
* Driver, remember - when you get behind the wheel while sober, you are getting into the pocket of a TRAFFIC POLICE officer!!!
Announcement:
